The “Seasoned Players 11: Salt And Pepper” Contest Makes Us Wanna Shoop

It's (perhaps) the final contest of 2009, and it's gonna be special. If you help us, we'll bring tidings of good cheer (and free porn).

Tom Byron's latest project, "Seasoned Players 11: Salt And Pepper," got us wondering why it took so long for Mr. Byron to add any spices into his tasty treats. Of course, now that he's used salt and pepper, where will he go next? That's where you come in.

Tell us: what are your favorite ways to spice up sex? This, of course, doesn't have to be literal. Then again, if you have a super kinky way to incorporate star anise and cinnamon into your love life, feel free to share with the world.

Post your entries in the comments section. Whoever presents a finger-licking-good blend of 11 herbs and spices will win a copy of Seasoned Players 11: Salt And Pepper, and hopefully influence Tom Byron's next film project.

And now to rule on last week's Elizabethan flirt-off. All of you: most impressive. junkzm3001's quick jab of game was sweet and to the point, and will likely be used by a certain Fleshbot employee at the clubs later tonight:

Parting is such sweet sorrow, unless it be the splitting of your legs.

Chicks dig Shakespeare, right?

Anyway, since the remaining entries are all from winners of previous Fleshbot contests, we have ourselves a real veteran battle. You are excellent combatants; grand writers, all of you. If we could, we'd split the DVD in thirds and give each of you a piece so that you could only watch it when you united the broken portions like that crown from Hellboy II: The Golden Army. But we won't do that.

So we declare: MalzyWheels is the winner! Observe, how he entices the females:

If I werst to compare thee to a frolicking summer's day,
wouldst thou look upon thyself as a lowly Summer's Eve?
Thou art so lovely, and so fine,
with golden locks of pearls draping around thine fair, beautiful face.
Thou bosom arst so ample, so healthy, so grand,
Like a majestic mountain range ye admires off in the vast horizon.
With a stout, strong frame, with padding whereat one wouldst expect,
I wouldst grasp unto to thee by the behind and mount thy person like a rabid dog.
But I get carried away with thyself.

That line about Summer's Eve gave us a bard-on (thanks to Come a little Miroslav Klose You're My Kind of Man for that gem). Still, readers should definitely go back and read the other entries, by Pinkie and Beaker.

Congratulations (again), MalzyWheels! You just brought The Curse of MacBeth upon yourself. We'll be contacting you through your profile page to let you know how to claim your prize.

· Rich flavors of Jada Fire courtesy of 3rd Degree Movies (promo.thirdmovies.com)