Sadly, Tori Spelling Doesn’t Star In “This Ain’t Beverly Hills 90210 XXX”

Aaron Spelling doesn't hold the same casting power at Hustler that he does in other arenas.

This Ain't Beverly Hills 90210 XXX

Studio: Hustler Video
Director: Axel Braun
Cast: Alexis Texas, Madison Ivy, Jenny Hendrix, Alanah Rae, Tiffany Star, Mackenzie Pierce, Chris Johnson, Joey Brass, Brad Hardy, Eric John, Alan Stafford

Like all episodes of "Beverly Hills 90210," the movie opens in medias res during an angsty meal at the Peach Pitt (not the Peach Pit). Donna, played by Jenny Hendrix, is a cesspool of sadness, but the rest of the gang doesn't care. Jake Hanson (Alan Stafford) just drifted into town and he's looking for a job. Brenda (Madison Ivy, who looks just so much like Shannon Doherty it's frightening) and Dylan (Joey Brass) are planning their trip to Mexico, trying to keep their vacation secret from Brenda's folks. Steve (Brad Hardy) is looking for love, and about to lose Kelly (Alexis Texas) to someone else. The overstuffed plot seems like a lot to handle at first, but it thins out relatively quickly once everyone splits up to have sex, er, tackle some tough issues...

Hands down, Donna's storyline is the best. I had my doubts at first; I thought this wouldn't be worth watching if Tori Spelling wasn't involved in a gangbang, but I was wrong. Not only does Jenny Hendrix beautifully capture Donna's mouth-breather visage and stilted walk, she's every bit as mopey as you could hope. She goes to get some advice from Mr. Walsh (Eric John), because her parents are getting divorced/dying of cancer.

"You know, Donna," Mr. Walsh soothingly says, "your body is going through a lot of changes right now. Every girl fantasizes about having sex with their best friend's dad." Then he tells her to close her eyes and open her mouth. Mr. Walsh does this! Oh, Eric John, you're the finest authority figure pervert in parody porn.

The only real disappointment was Brandon's scene. Mackenzie Pierce and Tiffany Star—luckily the only added characters in the movie—walk into the restaurant after closing and seduce Chris Johnson. No real point to it. However, it does contain the only bit of anal sex in the film, jackhammer style, so that's worth something. Honestly, beyond this one disturbance, I thought "This Ain't Beverly Hills 90210 XXX" was surprisingly successful.

Why did this parody work? Like any decent teen drama should, the genuine "90210" focused heavily on young people exploring relationships and sex. There's a section in the Behind The Scenes footage in which superfan Alexis Texas recounts the important milestones of the show, and they're all about hooking up, fucking, and breaking up. It may be an exaggeration, but it shows what left a lasting impression on viewers. The fact that Hustler took sex from the awkward pedestal Aaron Spelling placed it on and injected it into the warp and woof of daily Beverly Hills life actually made a difference. It was an appropriate act of subversion.

And I personally think some credit is due to the stylists, casting people, and (of course) performers. If a pornstar wasn't the spitting image of her primetime counterpart, she was at least crazily oversexed in an appropriate way. Alexis Texas barely looks a thing like Kelly, but she had the greedy rich girl attitude. Alanah Rae's boobs are far too bananas to be Andrea Zuckerman's, but she fucks just like a girl who isn't sure if she's a MILF.

I know Hustler and Axel Braun didn't really do much differently. They just stuck in the same sexual formula as always, and it happened to be more fruitful with this subject matter. Maybe this signals a more discerning eye for what to spoof in the future. Or maybe they just got lucky.

· Buy "This Ain't Beverly Hills 90210 XXX" (gamelink.com)

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Previously: The Beverly Hills Cure For Nearsightedness

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