Marital Aid Test Kitchen: Alix Lakehurst Goes Freestyle

When we visited zaftig Alix Lakehurst during her recent trip to Los Angeles, we wanted to give her an elegant gift she could take home to Chicago. Lucky for her, the OhMiBod Freestyle can also melt snow.

It is, of course, the logical progression. If professional ethics, such as they are, don't allow us to go there ourselves, it is only natural to place a vibrator between Lakehurst's legs and control what it does.

The OhMiBod, as you probably know, responds to the beats in your iTunes playlist and gets all Diddy, GaGa, Bono, Ozzy, and/or Gordon Lightfoot with your labia.

The OhMiBod's Freestyle incarnation adds a wireless twist so I, for example, can control the playlist half a room away. With Lakehurst I felt like a Manhattan Project scientist across the desert from her A-Bomb.

"Strip down and get on the bed," we commanded (Lakehurst had been mixing fake come - her own science project).

We then streamed a medley of Air, The Scorpions, Curtis Mayfield, Judas Priest, and Pat Benatar up, down, and around her fleshy girlyparts, which was great fun for everyone involved. Around "2112" she lit a cigarette.

"I can really take this home?" she asked. What were we going to do? Take it back and sell it on eBay (Oh shit we could have totally sold it on eBay)?

But we didn't, and now Lakehurst is back in Wicker Park with her sleek Freestyle and all its attachments for use in foreign hotels with their Angelique Kidjo.

· Alix Lakehurst (wecouldbenaked.com)
· Buy OhMiBod's Freestyle (ohmibod.com)