Moms I’d Like To Find: How To Spot A MILF In The Wild

April 30, 2010
OTTIMO-MASSIMO

The word MILF gets thrown around a lot. We all know that MILF = Mom I'd Like (to) Fuck, but what makes a MILF? What does porn tell us about sexually charged mothers? More importantly, where do you find one?

We may not have the tracking skills of the M.I.L.F. Hunter, but we've seen quite a few mature hotties in our time. So if you're looking for the company of a good MILF, or you're hoping to become a MILF yourself, your prayers have been answered. We've compiled a number of important concepts and qualities that contribute to the making of a MILF.

· Professor of MILFs, India Summer (myfirstsexteacherpage.com)

The obvious MILF standard: Mothers who are attractive, especially members of a younger age group, are MILFs. It might seem silly to bring this up, but it's important to remember that MILFiness stems from a combination of maternal and sexual characteristics. Kids are not a necessary part of the equation! There are plenty of childless woman who qualify as MILFs. How do they do it?

· Proud mom: Asia Carrera (nshoneys.com)

Coming of age. If you're of porn-watching age, chances are your mom should be at least 30. Given that, it's no co-incidence that many porn sites consider 30 to be the magical age of MILF transformation. Seem too young? We think so too, but AllOver30.com begs to differ. Although they never use the word "MILF" on their website, they host some of the most popular MILF galleries on AskJolene.com.

· Happy Birthday, Racquel Devonshire! (racqueldevonshire.com)

Looking the part. Honestly, 30 isn't that old. And thanks to modern medicine, people can look any age they want (er, to an extent). But if you want to look like a MILF, there are a few trademarks you can adopt.

Face the music. Does your first wrinkle turn you into a MILF? It certainly helps. Crow's feet and smile lines are a couple of charming signs of MILFdom. Mature madams are also known to sport plump cheeks, double chins, and other elements of Rubenesque beauty.

· Just a hint of second chin, via AllOver30.com (allover30.com)

Rock that body. There are big boobs, and then there are motherly boobs. MILF breasts have a special sag and swagger that suggest (or give the illusion of) milk weight. Rotund bellies and generous thighs—with touches of cellulite—also add to the image of MILFness. Of course, we can't deny the existence of petite MILFs, or MILFs who are tanned and toned. Take Lisa Ann, for example: she's lean and muscular and babetastic, and most certainly a MILF. Which leads to our next point…

· Luscious boobs, courtesy of Persia (anilos.com)

Hair power. Some hairstyles just scream MILF! All it takes for Lisa Ann to transform into Sarah Palin is a new hairdo. Plus, think about those iconic soccer mom haircuts: short, manageable, perhaps asymmetrical for a little pop of flavor. Though she's not someone we find MILFy, Kate Gosselin has MILF-escent hair. Even college-aged girls like Nikki Grind can rep the MILF look via hair.

· The one and only Lisa Ann (as Sarah Palin, of course) (hustlercash.com)

Location, Location, Location. Part of the MILF allure is finding a hot, mature woman in her element. Where do you find MILFs?

At home. The stay-at-home mom with time to kill, the horny housewife hitting on hired help, and the businesswoman coming home after a hard day of work all need men in their lives, and they need to fit them into their tight, tight schedules. That's why MILFs tend to fuck in kitchens, laundry rooms, and other places that suggest quiet domestic life. The more suburban a scene looks, the MILFier the scene becomes. We award many bonus points to the hot mom who gets nailed next to her collection of Hummel figurines.

· Taking care of business, via AllOver30.com (allover30.com)

Out and about. In the workplace, MILFs always exercise authority. They have the right combination of dominance and generosity to seduce any co-worker, peon, or supervisor, and the maturity to maintain a professional relationship at all times. You can recognize a MILF-on-the-go by the sexy personal wear that peeks out from her business attire.

Of course, we can't forget about the MILFs running errands, MILFs in their minivans, the MILFs at soccer games, MILFs who go clubbing (usually in groups of MILFs flying in horny formation), and many other varieties.

· "Britain's Most Unfaithful Wife", Lady Sonia (cuckoldrix.com)

MILF-by-proxy Syndrome. To really emphasize a woman's MILF qualities, place her next to someone younger. It's not just about contrasting youth with age, it also allows the MILF to impart useful experience to her sexual partner(s). The young woman learns some advanced bedroom tricks, and the young man learns that erotic wisdom is infinitely sexier than youthful naiveté. In this arena, the MILF nurtures, gives, and loves like a MILF should.

· MILF-to-be and her mentor, Jenny Hendrix and Jacqueline Rose (promo.premiumpass.com)

Extra MILF-Sensory Perception. You might think a lot of these qualities point to cougars rather than MILFs, and you're right. Really, no one can say for sure what makes a MILF; you just know one when you see her. Whether through her blonde highlights, her high-waisted jeans, the Midwestern moans of her orgasms, or the way she's held on to her 2003 Ford Windstar, the MILF will reveal herself to you.