Shock-Cockingly Not Bad: “The Howard Sperm Show”

This 1993 Jean-Pierre Ferrand "video feature" features Randy West as the bewigged title character of a movie whose boxcover states is "not the best parody you'll ever see." We're in for a helluva ride.

The Howard Sperm Show

Studio: Las Vegas Video
Director: Jean-Pierre Ferrand, with a script by Gale Wynand
Starring: Randy West, Rebecca Wild, Cal Jammer, Courtney, Mike Horner, Cheyenne, Traci Prince

Review by: Gram Ponante

We are introduced to Mr. Sperm (even the sperm on the boxcover is wearing sunglasses) after a flyby of nighttime Los Angeles, despite the fact that Sperm's office art suggests he is in New York.

As Sperm, Randy West is pretty entertaining. We know that he has to be ad-libbing most of his dialogue (the script is credited to Gale Wynand, who I had to reach back to freshman year to remember was the tycoon in "The Fountainhead"), and one of his more charming lines is "Maybe I lick my own dick in my dreams."

The five-scene setup includes interview segments with recurring character Rebecca Wild. Why is Wild recurring? She was about to marry the executive producer of the movie. Regardless, Wild's casting is a welcome sinecure, as she brightens every scene she's in.

Similarly, we are introduced to producer Mike HJorner, who is still working today as Mike Brady in the "This Ain't the Bradys" parodies. He has a fling with Wild as well (It must have been an extended bachelorette party for her).

Also of note is special guest Cal Jammer. Jammer plays the star of a bad karate movie. We wonder, dduring his interview, why there is a small piece of wood in front of him on the desk. But we don't have to wait for long. Sperm insults Jammer, who uses this opportunity to pick up the *tiny* piece of wood, smash it across his own head, and storm off.

As the camera pans down, for some reason, to focus on Jammer's discarded Jack in the Box cup, we hear the director saying "Steady." Brilliant! And Cut.

Jammer is later consoled by busty Courtney, so we don't feel bad for him, yet.

Shortly after this movie was made Jammer would commit suicide in his own driveway. He had found his wife, Jill Kelly, in bed with another man and he shot himself. While tragic, by today's standards his act seems almost gentlemanly; he didn't take anyone out with him.

The director Holly Randall said that one of her earliest memories was of Randy West masturbating in her back yard as her mother, Suze, prepared to shoot him for Playgirl.

"As this stuff happened more and more," Randall said, "I realized it was no big deal."

And yes, "The Howard Sperm Show" is no big deal, but it's a fun movie on its own as well as a snapshot of the way things looked 17 years ago. Not only that, but it's not the worst parody I've seen, either.

· Vantage (vantagedist.com)
· Buy "The Howard Sperm Show" (v9video.com)