Marital Aid Test Kitchen: Stoya’s Deep Sea Adventure Rabbit

There are Stoya sex toys, and then there are, well, "Stoya" sex toys. Stoya's Deep Sea Adventure Rabbit falls into the latter category, inasmuch as its production process did not involve the molding of any of Stoya's body parts.

But don't let that discourage you! Assuming you are a lady (and if you're eying this toy, you probably are), you probably wouldn't get much pleasure out of a cyberskin cast of Stoya's lady parts—so until someone bankrolls a cast of Stoya's fists, feet, or tongue, this may very well be the closest you get to a shared sexual experience with our beloved Supreme Commandress.

But how good a sexual experience is it, exactly? Well, as with so many sex-related things, your mileage will vary depending on how, exactly, you like to be stimulated.

There are many things that I liked about this toy. For one, it's surprisingly girthy; it's also surprisingly powerful. On more than one occasion, I've had a rabbit vibe's rotating shaft come to a grinding halt once in contact with my powerful vaginal muscles (ladies: you know what I'm talking about). Stoya's Deep Sea Adventure, on the other hand, kept spinning away even in the face of adversity. Of course, this mostly amounted to the base (and handle) wildly rotating as the shaft stayed firmly in place, but hey, I'll take what I can get (especially since it felt pretty good).

On the other hand, I was not the biggest fan of the vibrator's controls. Stoya's Deep Sea Adventure (and, for the record, every other "Pirates"-themed "rabbit" vibe sold by Digital Playground) comes with three different buttons: an on/off button, a button to control the shaft, and a button to control the "rabbit" (or in this case, skull and sword). The on/off button is a nice touch (particularly if you're looking to, ahem, abandon ship in a hurry), but the unidirectional controls for the shaft and "rabbit" drive me batty. I've mentioned this before, but it bears repeating: what happens when you're clicking through the options, find one you like, and then accidentally click off? Why, you have to click through the whole entire cycle again. And that, friends, is kinda sucky.

Also kinda sucky: this vibe takes 4 AAA batteries. You maybe the kind of person who keeps AAA batteries around the house, but I am not. I dread the day when the batteries I have loaded up die—trust me, it's not going to be pretty.

But if you can put up with the controls and batteries, and really like the idea of a pirate-themed sex toy, then this deep sea darling could just be the right toy for you. Or if not this one, maybe one of DP's other "rabbit" endeavors—I, personally, am partial to Katsuni's Revenge of the Sea. (Please, no tentacle rape jokes. This is a classy institution.)

· Buy Stoya's Deep Sea Adventure Rabbit (digitalplayground.com)