MILF Memory, All Alone In The Red/Cyan Light: “MILF Memoirs 3D”

With all-around MasterMILF Lisa Ann leading the charge, five horny, mature bombshells record their sexy escapades for future generations to read squint at through the erection-confusing, fledgling 3D technology. Plus: bubbles, feathers, sprinkles, and birthday cake.

Milf Memoirs 3D

Studio: Funky Monkey
Director: J. Lalls
Cast: Lisa Ann, Jessica Jaymes, Diamond Kitty, Diamond Foxxx, Hunter Bryce, Renna Ryann, Levi Cash

Given that it's the same company, same director, and same technology, much of what can be said about "Milf Memoirs" has already been said about "Octopussy 3D." The 3D is excessive, the writing is awful (though fortunately sparse), and the POV-only style oscillates between tantalizing and disturbing.

POV is a bucket of fun, that's for sure, but it can be wielded clumsily. As we said before, when the viewer can see the stunt penis' (in this case, Levi Cash's) entire body on screen, it's somewhat discomforting to have the female interest continue to talk directly into the camera. This ruins all the time and energy the viewer spends projecting a fap persona onto Levi's cock.

It's a shame really, because Levi's cock gets into some rather interesting situations! The movie starts off with Lisa Ann reminiscing on how she surprised her husband after work with a sundae party in the kitchen. You find her in the kitchen, wearing some bizarrely furry underwear combo, standing next to a table full of ice cream, fruit, cups, bowls, and all the fixings. "I've got all your favorite things here," she says, as she starts blowing bubbles. Lisa then makes you a sundae by flinging berries and sprinkles at the camera, squirting the whipped cream in your direction (which doesn't work, it looks like Lisa Ann wants you to huff nitrous oxide with her), and rubbing chocolate syrup all over her breasts.

No one breaks the fourth wall better than Lisa, and her tits really look amazing with all that chocolate on them, but it's just all so ridiculous. Do we need to exploit 3D like this? The picture quality is actually higher in "MILF Memoirs" than it was in "Octopussy," and as a result, you can enjoy the extra dimension of splendor as Lisa titfucks you or tosses her hair with a shuddering orgasm. But it seems like J. Lalls has to call attention to the technology every single time.

Another example: Hunter Bryce takes advantage of the lesbian next door (Renna Ryann), and just as things starting progressing from kissing to groping, the girls have a wild pillow fight and send feathers flying. Again, there's nothing inherently wrong with the idea—and watching Renna eat Hunter out while they're both covered in goose down is oddly sexy—but it calls attention to itself in the worst way.

In Diamond Kitty's scene, she shoots a popper at the camera to celebrate your birthday.

Diamond Foxxx's bathtub striptease, a naturally bubbly affair, includes bubbles mysteriously raining from the ceiling.

Only Jessica Jaymes avoids any obvious 3D shout outs, and as a result, her scene is one of the hottest. Her desires are simple: to pin you against the couch and ride you.

Premise-wise, "MILF Memoirs" really has a lot going for it! How brilliant it is to focus a movie on the adventures of busty, mature, domineering women! The DVD comes with a 2D version if you want to focus on the sex, but beware: the bubbles raining from heaven are no less idiotic when you lose an axis. (By the way, our DVDs were labeled backwards. It's not a big deal, just slightly silly.)

Honestly, it's not like all 3D porn is this goofy; "Cummin' At You 3D" was great! But Funky Monkey's treatment of 3D technology is so outrageously gimmicky that it makes me feel guilty for enjoying Lisa Ann. Why would you do that, Funky Monkey? Why must my erection become a divining rod for stupidity?

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Funky Monkey Movies (funkymonkeymovies.com)
Buy "MILF Memoirs 3D" (store.fleshbot.com)
Funky Monkey Movies (funkymonkeymovies.com)
Buy "MILF Memoirs 3D" (store.fleshbot.com)
Funky Monkey Movies (funkymonkeymovies.com)
Buy "MILF Memoirs 3D" (store.fleshbot.com)
Funky Monkey Movies (funkymonkeymovies.com)
Buy "MILF Memoirs 3D" (store.fleshbot.com)
Funky Monkey Movies (funkymonkeymovies.com)
Buy "MILF Memoirs 3D" (store.fleshbot.com)
Funky Monkey Movies (funkymonkeymovies.com)
Buy "MILF Memoirs 3D" (store.fleshbot.com)
Funky Monkey Movies (funkymonkeymovies.com)
Buy "MILF Memoirs 3D" (store.fleshbot.com)
Funky Monkey Movies (funkymonkeymovies.com)
Buy "MILF Memoirs 3D" (store.fleshbot.com)
Funky Monkey Movies (funkymonkeymovies.com)
Buy "MILF Memoirs 3D" (store.fleshbot.com)
Funky Monkey Movies (funkymonkeymovies.com)
Buy "MILF Memoirs 3D" (store.fleshbot.com)
Funky Monkey Movies (funkymonkeymovies.com)
Buy "MILF Memoirs 3D" (store.fleshbot.com)
Funky Monkey Movies (funkymonkeymovies.com)
Buy "MILF Memoirs 3D" (store.fleshbot.com)
Funky Monkey Movies (funkymonkeymovies.com)
Buy "MILF Memoirs 3D" (store.fleshbot.com)