Fleshbot’s Guide to Post-Election Porn

Recent studies show that immediately after elections, the constituents of the winning party dramatically increase smut consumption. Republicans, Democrats: no matter what happens tonight, we totally have the smut you need.

Here's another interesting little statistic: when Democrats swept the nation in 2008, Fleshbot's traffic numbers went way down. Apparently we cater to Republican porn tastes. Who knew? Since we're already so well versed in the carnal desires of the conservative crowd, we might as well begin with the Grand Old Victory Porn Program.

If Republicans Win... Take that, Obama! It's time to turn America back to the country our forefathers envisioned: a land where enormous border fences protect our low taxes, where we can drill wherever we please, where family values come first. Speaking of family values, who's up for some porn?

Christine O'Donnell takes command: Hey, we were just joking about that whole National Masturbate to Christine O'Donnell Season thing. Those pictures were so poorly shopped! Anyway, now that Senator O'Donnell is firmly in control of Delaware, we expect Eva Angelina will become her full-time doppelganger (we're not the first to see the resemblance) and there'll be a slew of POV political porn with titles like "You're Gettin' Carnal With O'Donnell!"
What To Watch: Get ready for Republican MILF porn of the Lisa Ann caliber mixed with a little black magick starring Eva Angelina in conservative attire.

Run a train on the House of Representatives: Damn, dude, can you believe how many Republicans grabbed seats in the House? Now comes the challenge of sexually satisfying them all. How do you satisfy scores of horny, amped up politicians all at once? One word (sort of): gangbang.
What To Watch: We think the Reps ought to study up on group sex strategies. Some might opt for the highly-structured, laser-focused one woman gangbang à la Sabrina Deep, while other might prefer to stage a sex party of like-minded individuals boning each at random, much like the one in "Open Invitation: A Real Swingers' Party in San Francisco" (except, you know, not in San Francisco). Whatever they choose, one thing is certain: they're about to deliver a massive facial to the leftist agenda.

Wait, Carl Paladino actually won?: Um. Ok! Cool! Alright GOP power! Uh. Wow. We were not prepared for this. I mean, did you see him at that Halloween party? As we all know, his victory points to a palpable surge in radical right-wing sentiments which, in turn, point to the Apocalypse. Sorry!
What To Watch: We can only hope that after President Carl Paladino leaves office in 2016, the post-apocalyptic wasteland is inhabited by naked babes like Kayden Kross (seen above). Watch "The 8th Day" to get a feel for your future.

If Democrats Win... Ah yes, there's nothing like turning back the towering red tide to make a person horny. We know Fleshbot might not be the one-stop shop for Democratic diddlings, but we promise we can find something to satisfy you. For example, do you like weed? (Of course you do.)

Hooray! Prop 19 Passed! Dear Voters: allowing marijuana-related activities to be legal and taxable in California? This has to be one of the smartest things you've ever done. We can't say much about the future of the Golden State, but we can say this: things just got waaaay cooler. The San Francisco Giants just won the World Series, deliciously sticky legal weed is about to be all over the place, and the only thing that could make this surge of victorious testosterone better would be some porn.
What To Watch: "Bong Load Girls." Even if you're too high to masturbate, you can at least trip out on the fact that you're getting stoned while watching some girls get boned while they're getting stoned, and this is all the beautiful result of remembering to vote this year.

How about that three-way in Alaska? At least, that's what the New York Times was calling it. Anyway, that hot MMF action up north split the Republican vote and Scott McAdams won the Senate in Alaska. Amazing, right? You might think this was all the result of Joe Miller being a journalist-detaining spaz, Lisa Murkowski-supporters not knowing how to spell her name, and/or general Tea Party incompetence. We know that the real battle was waged with a thorough spit-roasting.
What To Watch: It's hard to choose our favorite boy/boy/girl threesome, but we must try for the good of the nation. 2010 alone has given us some marvelous ménage à trois moments: Mick Blue and James Deen shared Katsuni in January, and the same dynamic duo made a shish ka-babe of Tori Black less than a month ago. Yes, it's a tried-and-true mode of political discourse that tons of amateur debaters have engaged in as well.

In general, Tea Party candidates got tea-bagged: Oh man, there were some bonafide crazies running for office this year, but we stopped 'em! Naturally, it only seems appropriate to celebrate the downfall of Christine O'Donnell, Joe Miller, Rand Paul, and others with a few tea-bagging jokes and maybe a screening of "Tea Bags and Tossed Salads." But you know what? We're tired of all this tea talk, and frankly, tea-bagging is an aggressive and often humiliating act. Let's take this up a notch and focus on face-sitting.
What To Watch: Take a breath of fresh air and then smother yourself with some sweet, tax-loving cheeks. Tom Byron can help you out through many different films, but we most-strongly recommend "Seasoned Players Meet Asseaters Unanimous." If you're feeling especially vengeful, study "Call of Booty: Modern Whorefare" and teach those Tea Party-goers what real political action looks like.

· Patriotic thumbnail via Polliana (promo.polliana.com)