Swamp Porn: “Black Market Bayou”

One great thing about corporate porn is that, even if you don't like it for a host of other reasons, there will be at least five sex scenes hitting all the standard angles. Let's go from there.

"Black Market Bayou" is likely the worst porn movie I will see this year. A dialogue-heavy tale about hereditary moonshiner Bree Olson fighting off a syndicate led by German porn dude Sasha and set in the bayou (bonus for the ladies: Nick Manning in overalls), this movie fails on so many levels other than the sex scenes.

And that is all that matters.

But it is mind-boggling that this movie was even released. Director Otto Bauer, who otherwise is a solid and creative performer as well as an able director, helmed this murky, slow, and underlit fiasco seemingly against his every porn-honed instinct.

For two minutes during a scene between Manning and Olson, for example, there is a series of explosions on what sounds like a freeway. How did that audio track get there? No one knows and no one at Adam & Eve seemed to care.

This is when the liberal fast-forwarding began, during which we were treated to an orange and sweaty Phoenix Marie as well as a rough and ready Riley Evans lazily rearranging beer cans as she is being fucked.

This is the way porn was directed and written in the bloated years of the 80's and 90's, so it's almost charming to see it come back. In that vein, something like this shows us how far porn has come. Still, I can't recommend it.

· Adam & Eve (adameve.com)
·Buy "Black Market Bayou" (tlavideo.com)