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“Star Trek”: Adding A Little T&A To “TNG”

HARDCORE

"Star Trek": Adding A Little T&A To "TNG"Long ago, when director Sam Hain invented the concept of the "Dark Parody" with "The Sex Files," well, perhaps we grieved. But that movie was so good that we eagerly await his just-wrapped porndaptation of "Star Trek: The Next Generation."

"The script is canonical, so it was designed to appeal to real fans of the show," says Giles, a British actor whom Hain met at a Star Trek convention in Las Vegas and cast as Jean-Luc Picard, the role that made Patrick Stewart even more famous than did "Excalibur."

And Giles is a dead ringer for Picard in both voice and hair (though the actor does not "engage" in a pornic fashion; those duties are performed by a relative newcomer named Xander, who also plays Data).

Like that of "Sex Files," the script for "Star Trek" is a little bit of fan fiction that might have fit in a gap between episodes of the original show. The Enterprise receives a strange signal from a a deserted planet, and encounters a box containing a cryosleeping Tasha Yar (India Summer in the Denise Crosby role).

Again, had we not seen the formula work in "Sex Files," we would have been dubious about a porn parody not played for laughs. But certain long-smoldering romances suggested by the show (like that between Picard and Dr. Crusher-here played by Kimberly Kane in another red wig) are played out with the poignancy all fanboys appreciate.

Bobbi Starr as Dr. Leah Brahms toying with an iPad (she is playing the game "Sneezies"), Dana DeArmond as Ro, a remarkably compact April O'Neil as Counselor Troi, the grave and dependable Tyler Knight as LaForge, menacing space pimp Lee Bang as Worf, and Rocco Reed as Riker are all brilliantly cast, with DeArmond, Reed, O'Neil, and Giles the winningest lookalikes.

This 4-day Revolution X/Digital Sin shoot (with an additional day of greenscreen space battles) is an expensive one, but all that cash, along with gallons of what we might delicately call "jizz," will be "on screen."

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· Photos by Jeff Koga (kogafoto.com)

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