Springfield Confidential: “Simpsons XXX: Marge And Homer’s Sex Tape”

To paint a naked and shaved woman yellow is one of Porn Valley's simple, singular joys; it almost destroys the mood to ejaculate on her. But this is the job, my friends, and we mustn't be afraid to do it.

Simpsons XXX

Studio: Full Spread Entertainment/Hustler
Director: Lee Roy Myers
Starring: Andy San Dimas, Briana Blair, Asia Zo, Evan Stone, James Deen, Anthony Rosano, Eddie Adams

Review by: Gram Ponante

A shady transaction is going down by the L.A. River. An uncredited (but, by the looks of him, Canadian) thug offers a crouching figure a doughnut in exchange for a videotape. The rest of the movie is a brightly-colored flashback to the making of Marge And Homer's Sex Tape.

"Simpsons: The XXX Parody" features scenes between beloved American icons Homer (Anthony Rosano in POV stuntcock mode) and Marge (Andy San Dimas), McBain (Evan Stone) and his assistant (Briana Blair), and Moe (James Deen in the second-scratchiest performance, but at least San Dimas got a liquid ropey lozenge) and his realtor, Cookie Kwan (Asia Zo).

Getting as close as possible to the original "Simpsons" Evergreen Terrace color palette, the walls are bright pastels and the actors have all been painted yellow.

Marge Simpson has always been a secret sexpot: Just look at "Colonel Homer" and "The Last Temptation of Homer" from the early seasons to see why her husband never strayed. Still, it is good the parody is just three scenes, because the novelty of a yellow San Dimas might wear off quicker than the paint. Kudos to the production, however, for choosing to paint Asia Zo even though she's already Asian.

But for the pink parts (which are worth watching), if you've seen the trailer, you've seen the movie. That is why I found the Behind the Scenes featurette on the DVD more entertaining. Watching San Dimas and Briana Blair getting painted was very sexy, even as watching Eddie Adams mime Ned Flanders performing cunnilingus was not (although it was a bold comedic choice).

I'm sure you understand by now that a "Simpsons" porn parody had to be made, right? That monkey is not coming off Porn Valley's back anytime soon. If it weren't Lee Roy Myers making "Simpsons XXX," it would have been a "Not The Simpsons" or "This Ain't The Simpsons," or "Not Quite The Simpsons," and those thoughts make me shudder. I'm glad it was you, Lee Roy.

· Hustler (hustler.com)
· Buy "Simpsons XXX" (tlavideo.com)