You Can’t Be As Freaky As Asia Argento

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Sorry, everyone! We ran some numbers on the relative freakiness of Asia Argento, and it looks like you cannot be as much of a freak as she is. We know, everyone wants to try, but we doubt you'll enjoy being choked with your own belt mid-handjob.

And keep in mind that that's not just anyone getting choked mid-handjob, that's Michael fucking Madsen. We didn't want to make this a competition, or start breaking down the freakiness hierarchy, but now you have to surpass Michael Madsen and Asia Argento, and this is not a video game. Have you seen the tattoo that woman has? Do you have any tattoos that blend religious iconography with your genitals? That should be step one.

· Buy "Boarding Gate" (2007) (amazon.com)