Candy Is Dandy But The Dildo Will Produce Orgasms

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How many times do we have to tell people that candy is not made for masturbating? Yes, it looks delightful, and yes, we love to see something go from your mouth to your pussy, but there are so many good sex toys in the world, people.

Maybe we missed a memo that says otherwise, but the last we heard, vaginas and sugar do not mix well. Yes, we know, it seems like a horrid injustice that two sweet items cannot be combined, but consider the dispute that would arise when people tried to figure out which was sweeter. In an alternate universe, sugar has no negative effects on the vagina, and the world is nearly destroyed by the great war between pro-vagina and pro-sugar soldiers. Count your blessings, folks.

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