Five States That Porn Valley Could Relocate To

Well, the notes are in from the Cal/OSHA porn summit...and things don't seem too hopeful for the fine, upstanding pornographers of California. Could this be the end of Porn Valley as we know it?

Yesterday we posited some ways that porn could remain sexy while operating under Cal/OSHA's plethoric protocols for on set safety. But what if porn consumers don't take too kindly to seeing their fantasies smothered in scads of latex? Some have posited that the porn industry will simply go underground, others that it will flee the country. We've got another idea: what if another state decided to amend their OSHA regulations to create a welcoming environment for the adult industry? The tax revenues from smut peddling would be a boon to any economy...and we can think of a few places where the industry would fit right in.

Florida

Why It Would Work: Next to LA, Miami is the biggest market for the adult industry right now. Home to "reality" porn companies like Bang Bros and Reality Kings, southern Florida already attracts copious starlets looking for work—and, like California, it boasts year round warm weather, making outdoor sexy times (and bikinis!) a 24/7/365 possibility.

Potential Problems: Well, there is the fact that it's not technically legal to shoot porn in Florida (or most of the country). But hey, if they can legalize porn in New Hampshire, surely Florida could do it too.

Alternatives: Hawaii. It's sunny! It's beautiful! And come on—who doesn't want to see more porn featuring coconut bras?

[Image created with help from Reality Kings.]

New York

Why It Would Work: Back in the Golden Age of porn, before California V. Freeman made San Fernando Valley the hub of the adult industry, quite a bit of adult film was shot in our fair city. Though New York isn't quite as gritty as it was in the heady days of the 70s, it's still one hell of a city. Maybe it's time to expand that NY Loves Film campaign to include adult film?

Potential Problems: Tiny apartments and high rents will make it a bit hard to shoot sprawling orgies; existence of actual seasons will make beach sex difficult to shoot in the winter. Oh, and there's that legality thing, too.

Alternatives: New Hampshire. All the northeast charm of New York, but with the benefit of porn being legal.

[Image created with help from Burning Angel.]

Nevada

Why It Would Work: With gambling and prostitution already legal here, it seems only fitting for Nevada to legalize porn and go for the trifecta of vice. Plus, since it's right next door to California, it won't be that big of a relocation for the industry. (Also: "Wide Open" is an actual Nevada slogan.)

Potential Problems: If Nevada handles porn anything like they handle prostitution, get ready for a whole lot of porn shot out in the desert, under the watchful eye of aging madams.

Alternatives: Mexico. It's just a few hours drive from LA to Tijuana (which is practically the length of a trip to the Valley, factoring in traffic). Offices could remain where they are, and performers could keep their homes—shooting would just take place south of the border.

[Image created with help from Private.]

Texas

Why It Would Work: Well, they do say that everything's bigger in Texas, right? And though Texas may not seem like the best place for the adult industry, what with their kooky history of obscenity laws, do remember that Fleshlight is based in Austin...so it would be extra easy for rising starlets to get their parts molded and become members of the Fleshlight Girls family.

Potential Problems: Texas isn't exactly known for progressive, liberal attitudes towards sex (or anything), so they might not actually want the adult industry.

Alternatives: Louisiana. The Southern charm of Texas, with the no holds barred naughtiness of Mardi Gras.

[Image created with help from Jules Jordan.]

Michigan

Why It Would Work: With the American auto industry in poor shape, Michigan's economy has been depressed for quite some time now. Snatching the adult industry from California would mean jobs for many a Michigander—and you know how people like jobs. And with real estate prices as low as they are, shooting locations would be cheap and easy to acquire.

Potential Problems: Southern California types might have difficulty adjusting to Michigan's weather, where winter isn't just a cute name you shoot porn under.

Alternatives: Western New York. A similarly depressed economy, with the benefit of being in New York State.

[Image created with help from Pink Visual.]