Upping The Ante For The Sequel To “Man Vs. Pussy”

We absolutely loved "Man Vs. Pussy," and we desperately want a sequel, but we know they have to go extra big with the next film. How does one prevent a brilliant idea from drying out?

Let's not mince words: we're obsessed with the concept. We've been thinking about it all weekend, and dreaming of the day when we get to watch MVP2. But if reality TV has taught us anything, it's that it won't be enough for a sequel to simply duplicate the original format with a new cast. No, for MVP2 to continue to shock and awe, it's got to go the extra mile (you know, like how the sequel to "Human Centipede" has twelve hapless tourists connected butt to mouth).

But how to go about switching things up? Well, as per usual, we've got a few ideas...

Marco Banderas vs. Pussy
For the duration of "Man Vs. Pussy," Marco Banderas was a looming, grinning specter of power and vitality, walking around the set, grabbing his heavy crotch, eyeing the women that Anthony was fucking with differing levels of success. Sure, he was there to interview people for Canal Plus, but he also casually told the directors that he fucked ten women in three hours. Let's see if his cock can cash the check his mouth wrote.

Maybe three hours would be too harsh on Marco—he was, after all, talking about sex conducted on personal hours, and a couple of those girls may have been grouped together—so we would be willing to give him twelve to fifteen hours. But if he can't complete it in that time, then shame on him. He can't just go around talking about his endurance while Anthony Rosano limps from lady to lady!

In fact, let's have Anthony on the sidelines, watching Marco, never saying a word. Oh sure, he might snap some pencils in half when Marco glides through his first five ladies, but he won't even smile when babe number seven is slobbing Marco's knob and not making it swell. Finally, when Marco does the unbelievable and dicks down a double-digit team of pornstars, Anthony will walk over and hug the sweaty, panting demigod.

Beautiful women, athletic feats, and friendship: sounds like a beautiful sequel to us.

[Poor Marco would be making that face a lot in this movie. Photo via LexSteele.com (freepornofreeporn.com)]
Men Vs. Pussy
Instead of challenging one guy to fuck five ladies, how about you have two guys fuck [a number between five and ten] ladies? The entire movie becomes an circus of spit roasting, double penetration, and other fun things for threesomes. Heck, throw in a surprised second lady for the final bit and make it a foursome! Yes, this is an easy way to up the ante on a basic porn-math level (because the Order of Pornographic Magnitude states that threesome > twosome, no matter what), but there's so much more to this idea!

In "Man Vs. Pussy," Anthony Rosano battles himself, a bunch of vaginas, and every random person standing around the set. Imagine the tension in the room when two guys simultaneously go limp in the hands of a beautiful, young vixen and order everyone to get out of the room? Will the gentlemen band together, or will they loathe each other and begin taking out their aggressions on the horny, willing babe between them? It's a buddy film with backstabbing and boners—tell us that doesn't sound good.

[Picture by John B. Root (galleries.rebootcash.com)]
Legion Vs. Pussy
It's like if "Survivor" didn't take place on an island, but a lady. And instead of getting voted off by your peers, your testicles voted you off by drying up. You follow?

We don't have the exact specs down for this, but we have the basic structure. Seven contestants ante up ten bucks to compete in this tournament, committing the entire day to filming as many gangbang scenes as necessary. They fuck one girl at a time in teams of two and three, and each man must spend a minimum amount of time actively having sex on camera. Every contestant must pop at the end of the scene. After a small break, a new girl shows up and is banged by the gang. Any man who is unable to continue, cannot pop, or doesn't spend enough time on camera is kicked off.

You might wonder why we'd have every man pay ten dollars, and yes, it seems a little unnecessary to have these gladiators lose cash when they're fighting for our amusement, but we assure you that it's a small gesture with much benefit. Anthony Rosano only got a few dollars of bonus per scene that he completed in "Man Vs. Pussy," and that didn't seem to push him forward at all. But if each guy had ten of his own hard-earned dollars riding his jock, we bet there'd be a little more money-motivated fury. Alternately, think of it as a small salute from every male pornstar to his comrade who emerged victorious from this sinister pit of POPPORN-designed terror.

We can see it now: Alec Knight withdraws from Bobbi Starr's mouth, leaving Mick Blue and Jon Jon staring each other down across the field of Bobbi's back. If they weren't trying to take each other's ten dollars, they might be pals, happily high-fiving above the women between them. But this is no Eiffel Tower; this is an orgy of eye-contact that connects no one, this is a wobbly-H that stands for Hatred.

[Bobbi Starr and company, from the hit movie "Gangbanged"]