A Brief History Of Sex Toys In Pop Culture

Although "Fleshlightning" isn't really a mainstream rom-com showcasing a masturbation sleeve, there have been a few occasions when big time film and TV makers give their favorite sex toys a little publicity. Here's a quick look at some of our favorites and some suggestions for products that could use a little extra exposure.

Sex and the City
Everybody knows that "Sex and the City" has caused some serious cravings in its time—everything from Manolo Blahnik shoes to Magnolia Cupcakes received a boost of business after the ladies raved about it on the show, and the same goes for Vibratex's Rabbit Pearl. After Charlotte became addicted to her Rabbit, this vibrator became one of the most popular and recognizable sex toys in the country. Years have passed, "Sex and the City" is in syndication, and many other fancy vibrators have come and gone, but the Rabbit Pearl is still one of the most desired vibrators around.

Zack and Miri Make A Porno
It's no secret that Kevin Smith loves Fleshlights. (Seriously, he talks about them all the time on his show and incidentally, his show is sponsored by Fleshlight.) So no one was surprised that Fleshlights kept coming up in "Zack and Miri Make A Porno," but they weren't exactly portrayed in the friendliest light. In real life, Kevin Smith has stated that using one of these fancy masturbation sleeves is "the second best thing to fucking my wife." In the movie, Seth Rogen's character is a little less enthusiastic...

Zack: I'm getting tired of fucking the Fleshlight.
Miri: You fucked it?
Zack: Yeah.
Miri: What'd it feel like?
Zack: Like fucking a flashlight.

Burn After Reading
Although it doesn't really play an important role in the movie, no one can forget the Liberator in "Burn After Reading." George Clooney's character is most definitely a ladies man and—based on his ability to make a dildo saddle from scratch—somewhat of a sex toy connoisseur, so it only seems right that he should carry the famous purple wedge to Tilda Swinton's place when they decide to shack up together. It's even the first thing he snatches up on his way out the door, proof that no casanova should go without one of these handy little pillows.

Hitachi Magic Wand
Now, onto the sex toys that deserve some extra mainstream props. As much as we like the Rabbit Pearl, we feel like it's power isn't relative to the press its received. However, the Hitachi Magic Wand has been around since the 1970's, and sexologists like Betty Dodson and Dr. Carol Queen have praised it above all other sex toys. We don't want to make this a competition, but consider this: when the sadistic experts over at Kink.com want to make a lady come her brains out, they use one specific toy, and it isn't any form of Rabbit.

So what kind of media would best suit the Magic Wand? We're thinking Hitachi should follow the Rabbit route and go for female-friendly TV about young urbanites. The newest season of "Gossip Girl" is coming out in September; all it'll take is twenty-seconds of Leighton Meester "massaging her back" in bed for Hitachi to become a household name.

Tenga
If Fleshlight gets its moment in the sun, why can't their Japanese counterpart have the same thing? With all due respect to Kevin Smith, we think Tenga makes the superior male masturbator, and we want a dude-filled film to explain that to the world.

We envision Paul Rudd and Jason Segel reuniting for "I Love You, Man 2" in which Jason recommends that Paul invest in a Tenga Flip Hole in order to burn off some of his sexual energy. The discussion will be a straightforward endorsement from one man's penis to another, and the audience will know that Jason Segel appreciates his best friend almost as much as he admires the brilliant engineers who work at Tenga.

Little Platinum Eternity
What kind of person would use a platinum-plated, diamond-encrusted vibrator that costs $3,250? Why, one of "The Real Housewives" would! They've pimped all kinds of products, services, and charities on those shows before, so we think JimmyJane's fancy vibrators would fit right in. "The Real Housewives of New York City" pride themselves on being women of luxury, and we think they deserve sex toys from a luxury brand like JimmyJane. The idea of them masturbating with anything not covered in precious stones is just ridiculous. (Not that we spend a lot of time thinking about them masturbating, period. We swear.)

RealTouch
We're already convinced that the RealTouch is going to take over the world, so why not go all out with it? If (for some unholy reason Shia LaBeouf makes a deal with Satan and) "Transformers 4" goes into production, we think there's an easy cameo for this automated robot vagina. Besides, these films are all about product placement! Just imagine: Bumblebee has a quiet moment alone, so he loads up his RealTouch, only to be walked in on by the overbearing Optimus Prime! Then he says something funny with his radio voice, Prime shakes his head, people learn about the RealTouch, and best of all, they'll also discover the joys of technosexual porn.