Meet The Mayhems, They’re The Modern Queer Porn-Age Family

Ned and Maggie Mayhem are a couple of queer Bay Area pornstars who are in love. They've both been working in and around the adult industry for a few years, and they recently decided to start brewing some of their own smut. Here's a little taste of their sexy moonshine.

Every now and then we see a Tumblr or a Blogspot in which some daring amateur couple decides to host close-up shots of their genitals touching, and we're usually pretty into those. We love the intimacy and honesty, and we deeply respect the couples for sharing themselves with the world, but MeetTheMayhems.com completely blows them out of the water. The Mayhems describe themselves as "hardcore fucking nerds" and we'd definitely agree with that assessment: Maggie is an HIV prevention specialist who's worked with Kink.Com, QueerPorn.TV, Crashpad, and MadisonBound (among other sites) while Ned is an experimental physicist who—in addition to working with Kink.com—handles the heavy duty math and science side of The Psigasm Project, "an open source hobby science project measuring physiological responses to arousal and orgasm." Can you imagine the kind of stuff they get up to in their free time? Well, you don't have to imagine it; it's all on their website.

Their website is less than six months old, and these busy Mayhems haven't had much time to add a lot of content, so things look a little sparse around the homestead. However, the few videos and galleries that are available are awesome: refreshing, engaging, and chock full of Ned-getting-his-ass-split-open goodness! Are their wares worth your hard-earned cash? Let's break it down!

Movies: For the record, the site doesn't divvy up photos and videos; everything pornographic can be found under one specific tab conveniently named "Porn." Anyhow, there are currently three masturbation videos (one of Ned doing his thing against a wall, two of Maggie playing with herself during a camping trip), two videos in which Maggie takes Ned's tight ass with a strap-on, and one video where the Mayhems put their hands together on Ned's cock and make him explode with a Hitachi Magic Wand.

If you're the kind of individual who demands to see blowjobs and vaginal intercourse, we invite you to open your mind and enjoy the way Maggie works her hips. One of their strap-on videos takes place in a Eucalyptus grove, and while Ned is busy counting his lady's thrusts with his moans, Maggie is giving him the most tender encouragement in a high, sweet voice: "Yeah, I'm making love to your ass...In the forest!" I LOLLed, I was aroused, and I decided that I would like to kick it with the Mayhems.

I do have a few small gripes about the videos. First, only Maggie's masturbation videos come with any pictures, and I'm left wanting more. Then again, the Mayhems are skilled wordsmiths, and their video descriptions are image rich, so I'm more than willing to forgive a lack of pictures. Second, the videos are a bit inconsistent in quality. The Hitachi handjob file is over 400 MB large and nine minutes long, while the woodland strap-fest is only 110 MB and about sixteen minutes long. I'm sure this all has something to do with video quality, setting, and other specific issues, but few people consider that stuff when they're looking for smut.

Oh, and my third gripe is that every video page has an embedded preview clip that starts playing the minute the page loads. Auto-play should never be used. Not ever.

Photos: Not counting the previously mentioned galleries, the only photo collection is one of a long-haired Maggie frolicking naked in the snow. These pics were taken ages ago (in the winter of 2010-2011) back when they were only making porn for their private stash. Maggie looks gorgeous against all the white, gray, and dry wood, and Ned remarks, "I still think her playfulness and lust really show in these pics, and they remind me of the sex we had afterward. Her skin felt ice cold against mine – on the outside at least."

I was a bit surprised that there aren't more pictures available at the moment, especially considering their companion Tumblr has some free, high resolution pics not referenced anywhere on the paysite.

Other Awesome, Somewhat Unclassifiable Stuff: There is an amazing array of extra stuff on MeetTheMayhems.com, most of which is free, and it's all damn educational. The main wing of bonus manor is called the Encyclopedia Mayhem, "an eclectic collection of discussions, presentations, and ideas from the pervy brains of brainy pervs," and it includes stories, interviews, and other random gems of information. They also have toy reviews and—my personal favorite—How-To articles! And the How-Tos are really informative; one teaches you how to pee standing up when you have a vagina (using a device known as the pStyle) and another tells you how to harness a Hitachi Magic Wand directly to a pelvis. That is some truly handy information.

By now, you should get the idea that I'm pretty smitten with this site. If you were to assemble a crack team of adult industry authorities, bondage-lovers, and gender-bending badasses in order to design the ultimate sex-positive paysite, they would probably produce something like MeetTheMayhems.com. There's nothing sinister or negative about anything here, and you can tell that Maggie and Ned devote all of their energy to making the world a sexier, happier place.

If you want to see a video here or gallery there, each individual set costs $3, but we'd recommend grabbing unlimited access for $8 per month. That's a total fucking steal! And the Mayhems have promised "substantial upgrades" and way more fresh material in the coming weeks, so it'd be a good idea to grab a subscription now before the Ned and Maggie realize that they could charge way more for their wares. In fact, they should! They're too cute to be giving it away for so cheap.

· Meet The Mayhems (meetthemayhems.com)

Meet The Mayhems (meetthemayhems.com)
Meet The Mayhems Blog! (meetthemayhems.tumblr.com)
Meet The Mayhems (meetthemayhems.com)
Meet The Mayhems (meetthemayhems.com)
Meet The Mayhems (meetthemayhems.com)