A Field Guide To Kate Upton

Kate Upton is one of those unapproachable beauties who you can't even dream about having sex with because you know would melt when you got three feet away from her. Also, we don't know about you, but all of our Kate Upton dreams involving her teaching us how to Dougie.

Uh, anyway, Kate Upton was born on June 10, 1992 in St. Joseph, Michigan. She was raised in Melbourne, Florida, where she spent most of her young adolescence riding horses. Upton competed in many American Paint Horse Association shows, winning five different youth championships and securing a spot as the APHA's third best youth rider in the nation.

She was approached by a modeling scout when she was twelve, but she didn't take it seriously. However, at the age of fifteen, Upton attended a casting call for Elite Model Management and got a contract the very same day. She moves fast, right? Well, she seems to be picking up speed. The girl is barely nineteen years old, and she's already switched to IMG Models, moved to New York City, become the face of Guess, and modeled in/was named Rookie of the Year for the 2010 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. Oh, and she was in body paint; basically, millions of people have an image of Kate Upton wearing paint permanently catalogued in their memories. Do you think that has any effect on our minds?

Upton is definitely aware of the affect she has on people. She told Esquire that when she's on the beach and off the clock, "I like my bikinis very small, and I also like, uh, nude-colored bikinis because people double-take—they think I'm naked on the beach." That's pretty cruel, Kate Upton. We feel like the niece of Michigan Representative Fred Upton shouldn't be torturing men with the hopes of nudity, but hey, we don't know much about politics.

Furthermore, we shouldn't be putting more on this poor girl's busy shoulders—Lord knows she has enough to carry around everywhere she goes. Jokes aside, her star has been rising incredibly quickly, and between modeling contracts, being named Esquire's 2011 Woman of the Summer, designing her own swimwear and possibly dating Kanye West (not really), we worry that she might burn out! Does she have time to ride horses? What comes next for huge models like this? Replacing Megan Fox in a high-budget action movie? We're concerned; that's why we wrote this Field Guide.

Ok, maybe we decided to do a Field Guide about Kate Upton so we could have an excuse to post a bunch of Kate Upton pictures at once. Is that a problem?

· Kate Upton (kateupton.com)

Original story: Complex Celebrates Our Simple Feelings About Kate Upton's Breasts

Original story: And That's Not All Kate Upton Can Do With Her Boobs
Via Heavy (heavy.com)

Via Heavy (heavy.com)
Via Heavy (heavy.com)