“Office Perverts” Want To Double-Dip In Your Recession

Aw yeah, girl. It's the seventh edition of "Office Perverts," and these white-collar sluts are going to bail out their packages and put the DP in GDP and, uh, liquidate their assets... on your face or something. Economic jokes are hard.

We should be better at this sort of game, but there are only so many office jokes you can make! And we think we used up a lot of our best material with "Lesbian Office Seductions" Fill A Sexier Type Of Quota and Hedge Fund Managers Become Bush Eaters In "Office Perverts 6." Fortunately, these specific perverts inspire some genuine excitement in us.

Evan Stone, for one, has a strange idea of job security. His company is downsizing, and he's worried about getting the axe, so he decides to fuck the boss's daughter, Allie Haze, on what looks to be Mr. Haze's desk. What's Evan's logic? Maybe he figures Allie will put in the good word for him, though we can't imagine her saying, "Hey, Dad, that Evan character was about to ejaculate on your printer, so he quickly put my butt in the way—that's the kind of quick-thinking problem solver this place needs!"

The back of the box tells us that Tommy Gunn has a ploy to make Blake Rose think he's "humanitarian of the year" which we assume means he's volunteered to lead their firm's softball team. Everybody knows that Blake adores men who sacrifice their weekends for company morale, and Tommy's selflessness has her crawling across his desk with lust. The team captain admits that his softball prowess isn't as impressive as his hard cock, and even though Blake is worried about the state of the team, she forgives him and rounds his bases. Soon, they're fucking on top of an ergonomic chair and Blake notices that her lumbar region has never felt so comfortable during a deep and thorough pounding like this. Tommy Gunn: he totally hates baseball, but he totally loves women.

Jack Lawrence has to give a presentation to the board of directors, but he has terrible stage fright, so Marie McCray gives him a good luck fuck to calm his nerves. All of Jack's anxious energy helps him last as the redheaded heroine rides him, his tie gives Marie a handy way to balance her ass on the desk (because everyone has sex on desks here), and his thick and veiny cock is a thick and veiny cock, which is much more valuable in business than you think. Marie shows Jack that he has everything he needs to succeed, and Jack shows Marie that he actually can palm her ass cheeks with one hand if he tries, so he wins their bet.

Even though the U.S. Census shows that millions more are working from home every year, it's nice to have movies like "Office Perverts 7" around to remind us of these old timey buildings where sexual tension reigns supreme.

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Blake Rose and Tommy Gunn
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