Medical Curiosities: “Dr. Probe’s Lab Of Perversion”

Audrey Hollander is surprised when her yearly gyno checkup gets too familiar: "Any tenderness? Pressure?" The doctor asks about a hundred times. If I were Hollander, I would have had my HMO authorize anyone other than someone named "Dr. Probe."

While the cover of "Dr. Probe's Lab of Perversion: The Demon Gynecologist of the San Fernando Valley" promises a sardonic porn right up the alley of writer/director Jim Powers, Hollander's scene is so awash with dark editing program background music that it's hard to figure out if Powers intends us to laugh or just be creeped out; the cover suggests one, the movie suggests another.

The inappropriate gynecologist is certainly Porn's version of the Nazi scientist, but we are made to wait to decide whether this is a fleshier version of "Little Shop of Horrors" or "Marathon Man."

I talked with former AVN editor Rebecca Gray.

"Are you asking me if women think of gynecologists like the hot pizza delivery guy or pool cleaner?" she asked. "No. (The gynecologist's office) is a different space for your head to be in."

Hollander's face registers growing alarm as the doctor takes his sweet time down there.

"I think I dropped something," he calls, sniffing his fingers. He begins inserting all manner of objects.

"Is everything OK, Doctor?" she asks as he inserts a glass dildo in her anus. "I haven't been sexually active in three months."

"That's a shame," he says. Finally, we get to the porn.

Dr. Probe, after rolling up a fucking machine, does the job himself.

"Is it supposed to feel this nice, Doctor?" Hollander asks.

"Just a natural human reaction," he says. "The instruments can only do so much."

I finally decided that the movie was a comedy and just the soundtrack needed to go. Kudos to Hollander who did a nice slow burn, and to Powers for trusting an audience with a longish scene.

Next up is Sindee Jennings as the patient and Seth Dickens as Dr. Probe. The production does not skimp on medical equipment. Sometimes it's hard to be a woman.

"I'm actually feeling a little bit uncomfortable, Doctor, "Jennings says. "It just feels like you're doing the same things over and over and over."

What makes this movie earn an A for effort is its token attempts to make things look on the up and up for at least a minute or two.

That more or less goes out the window when quintessential porn dude Dirty Harry appears as Guatemalan Doctor to the petrified Cindy Crawford. He speaks Pig Spanish all the way through his scene and at this point the movie becomes high camp (which isn't a bad thing).

Finally, Otto Bauer's scene with Chelsea Rae retreads old ground, but it's still funny. When the good Doctor is finished, he says, "Now get dressed, clean up, and fill out those insurance forms."

This movie is highly entertaining as a collection of scenes that happen to take place in a doctor's office, but something is added (especially in the early scenes) when lip service is paid to something real; that's when "Dr. Probe" gets menacing.

- Review by Gram Ponante

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Dr. Probe's Lab of Perversion

Studio: Powersville/JM
Director: Jim Powers
Cast: Audrey Hollander, Sindee Jennings, Dirty Harry, Cindy Crawford, Otto Bauer, Chelsea Rae, Seth Dickens, Johnny Thrust

· Jim Powers (mrfilth.com)
· Buy "Dr. Probe's Lab of Perversion" (jerkoffzone.com)