Creampies: Love Means Never Having to Say I’m Sorry I Came Inside You

As you well know, coming on a woman's breasts, neck, or ass in a porn film is like saying "I'll call you." For real commitment we must look to the creampie, which puts the onus on the woman to conceive.

What, Really? This isn't how life is made?

Adam & Eve has compiled "Cream on the Inside," an 11-scene movie featuring creampies, in which men and women who love each other very much agree to forgo a ropey volley launched into the hair in favor of an actual vaginal ejaculation.

"But Grams, how do we know she has actually pleasured him if we don't see his semen?"

Good question, Yvonne. The creampie requires the man to come in the vagina but pull out in such a way that some semen visibly leaks out. That way we, the porn consumers, can be satisfied that a job was done (unless the feamle performer was carrying around some semen already, which is possible), and the more romantic among us can be reassured that they truly do love each other.

But not all creampies are alike. When Talon fucks the pneumatic Brooke Lee Adams, for example, he pulls out and squeezes his penis. Dakoda Brookes, on the other hand, squeezes the ejaculate out using her powers.

You may have determined that the creampie is pretty close to the way everyday people have sex; the force of gravity and the act of walking upright post-coitally makes every woman a creampie star.

But the best scene in this compilation (containing glossy feature-style trysts as well as new and old gonzo outings), is a new scene between Lee Stone and a woman named Venus.

Venus could have played some warrior princess opposite Stone in his recent "Conan" role, as she is no shrinking violet and he clearly digs her. He digs her so much, in fact, that he comes inside her by mistake. Doll that she is, she acknowledges ("Hey! Don't!") that it's happening but, once it clearly has, she continues moving her body to milk him dry.

Perhaps the pair has robbed viewers of a standard issue money shot, but something magical has passed between them.

"Sorry about that," he says.

I think you will agree that there is something just a little less calculated and more intimate about the creampie. You and your partner should try one!

· Adam & Eve (adameve.com)

Adam & Eve (adameve.com)
Adam & Eve (adameve.com)
Adam & Eve (adameve.com)
Adam & Eve (adameve.com)
Adam & Eve (adameve.com)
Adam & Eve (adameve.com)
Adam & Eve (adameve.com)
Adam & Eve (adameve.com)
Adam & Eve (adameve.com)
Adam & Eve (adameve.com)
Adam & Eve (adameve.com)
Adam & Eve (adameve.com)