Vikki Blows Wears American Flag Skirt, America Officially Wins Everything

What up, Britain? Looking for your girl Vikki Blows? We got her. She was like, "I'm gonna celebrate the colonists with my boobs," and we were down, so she came over. Her citizenship is imminent, ya'll.

That is, as soon as we can get her to stop eating digestive biscuits in bed. For one, nobody in America eats digestives—should you find someone doing so, they're mostly likely eating those chocolate covered HobNobs. Second, no amount of American flag-wearing will make us forget about the discomforts of sleeping in a crumby bed. We're all about independence here, and we want to give Vikki the chance to smash cookies wherever and whenever she wants, but we have limits. We should learn to be more careful around defecting lad mag babes.

· Front-TV (frontarmy.com)