“Jerkoff Material 7” Is More Than The Sum Of Its Genitals

How do you make porn? You grab some naked body parts, cameras, lights, and then you smash them together, right? Wrong. That's how you make a horrible monster. "Jerkoff Material" isn't even made; it's summoned with rituals involving sun-bleached knucklebones and pentagrams drawn with KY.

We hope you're prepared to handle these naked bodies in a mature manner because this is going to be an educational experience. Why else would they call this movie "Jerkoff Material 7"? Only informative things are that accurately named.

That being said, Adrianna Luna is so damn hot. We don't know what we find more attractive: the cavalier attitude she puts on when she stretches her mouth to fit Sean Michael's thick cock, or her working knowledge of alchemy. How did she figure out to make a three-hub come summoning circle (better known as The Cummoning) while getting titfucked? There are lots of pornstars who can handle three dicks of varying sizes at the same time, but only Adrianna makes us fear the dark arts.

Not to be outdone, Jada Stevens appears and starts showing-off her latest manicure. Her bedazzled middle finger gives her the power to handle Sean Michaels's cock, which is convenient, because Sean Michaels had been sitting naked on an ottoman for nearly an hour before Jada came over. They take this bit of providence and pound it deep into Jada's pucker, and Jada discovers that her nails are good for more than just ass magic: they're perfect for prying her butt cheeks apart when Sean wants to push in to the hilt!

When it comes time for Sasha Sweet to strut her stuff for Sean, she initially complains that she was hoping for more men at once. A bit of ass-eating and a lot of cowgirl make Sasha happy, but mid-doggy style, she turns around and says she craves more cock. This is a natural comment when in the throes of pornographic ecstasy and generally regarded by the scientific community as "absurd," because nobody has more cock that Sean Michaels, but it still caused the mood to sour. Without missing a beat, Sean Michaels pulled out, took off his glasses, and transformed into three white guys who each wanted to facefuck Sasha. Everyone agreed that it was the best blowbang ever performed by a single male performer with reality-bending interracial powers.

The day will come when the world recognizes all the hard work and Wiccan rituals that go into making porn, but until someone decides to introduce the AVN Award for the Best Blowbang Performed by a Single Male Performer with Reality-Bending Interracial Powers, this kind of stuff will be known as plain ol' "Jerkoff Material."

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Adrianna Luna
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Adrianna Luna
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Adrianna Luna
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Jada Stevens
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Jada Stevens
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Jada Stevens
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Jada Stevens
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Marie McCray
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Marie McCray
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Marie McCray
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Sasha Sweet
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Sasha Sweet
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Sasha Sweet
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Sasha Sweet
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Sasha Sweet
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Sierra
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Sierra
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Sierra
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