“GhostLusters” And “Dracula XXX” (You Know: Because It’s Monday)

For your last-minute VOD pleasure, we offer two porn parodies of scary movies made 21 years apart. So if your baby were conceived while "GhostLusters" played theatrically, it could legally buy some absinthe while downloading "Dracula XXX" today.

Director Axel Braun's big-budget 3D adaptation of Francis Ford Coppola's 1994 "Dracula" is impressive for its big cast and numerous sex scenes. I am particularly fond of the juicy Krissy Lynn, and it is great to see her and others being serviced while still wearing their coarse white washer-woman outfits, no doubt bought in bulk for the production.

As the Coppola version is a romantic favorite even 17 years later, it makes sense to adapt it with the dreamy Alan Stafford, with bonus points for hiring an actual Englishman (Andy Appleton) as Jonathan Harker. Tom Byron as Renfield, Evan Stone as the Impaler himself, and the near-diaphonous Marie McCray make this a thoughtful, well-cast movie.

But would it be too much to ask that a flick set in 1793 do away with standard-issue porn improvisations like "You like that, huh? Put it in my dirty pussy"-especially in a dream sequence? I'm pretty sure people will figure out the characters dig each other.

Bruce Seven's 1990 "GhostLusters," on the other hand, only plays on the title of the movie that made Ray Parker, Jr., a household name.

Pornographers encounter the spirit of a dead flapper in an Old Hollywood studio that has fallen hard enough on hard times to allow porn to be shot there. We learn that poor Clara died in a 1926 accident involving a plaster statue only when someone reads that information in a book. On a desk that also contains a landline telephone.

In addition to featuring a more or less original story, it may be interesting for Fleshbot readers who were not even born when this movie was made to witness the porn parody paradigm as it existed then, to wit: Employing a pun on an existing Hollywood movie, craft a porn using none of that movie's elements.

I had the opportunity to watch both of these movies on a 50" flatscreen, as opposed to my computer, and Braun's movie both looks beautiful and makes an effort to be like a real movie, you know, with acting and stuff. But it's wooden.

Seven's movie doesn't hold up well, but the cast seems to be having a goofy good time.

I'm tempted to say that Seven's movie is better because of the spirit in which it was made, but Braun's delivers the goods, even if it didn't scare the come out of me.

· Buy "GhostLusters" (tlavideo.com)
· Buy "This Ain't Dracula XXX" (tlavideo.com)

Buy "GhostLusters" (tlavideo.com)
Buy "This Ain't Dracula XXX" (tlavideo.com)
Buy "GhostLusters" (tlavideo.com)
Buy "This Ain't Dracula XXX" (tlavideo.com)
Buy "GhostLusters" (tlavideo.com)
Buy "This Ain't Dracula XXX" (tlavideo.com)
Buy "GhostLusters" (tlavideo.com)
Buy "This Ain't Dracula XXX" (tlavideo.com)
Buy "GhostLusters" (tlavideo.com)
Buy "This Ain't Dracula XXX" (tlavideo.com)
Buy "GhostLusters" (tlavideo.com)
Buy "This Ain't Dracula XXX" (tlavideo.com)
Buy "GhostLusters" (tlavideo.com)
Buy "This Ain't Dracula XXX" (tlavideo.com)
Buy "GhostLusters" (tlavideo.com)
Buy "This Ain't Dracula XXX" (tlavideo.com)
Buy "GhostLusters" (tlavideo.com)
Buy "This Ain't Dracula XXX" (tlavideo.com)
Buy "GhostLusters" (tlavideo.com)
Buy "This Ain't Dracula XXX" (tlavideo.com)
Buy "GhostLusters" (tlavideo.com)
Buy "This Ain't Dracula XXX" (tlavideo.com)
Buy "GhostLusters" (tlavideo.com)
Buy "This Ain't Dracula XXX" (tlavideo.com)
Buy "GhostLusters" (tlavideo.com)
Buy "This Ain't Dracula XXX" (tlavideo.com)