We're honest, law-abiding, upstanding citizens, but we still think criminals are way sexier than goody two-shoes. We don't mean every crime, of course, just the ones that are are followed by softcore sex scenes that you can find on Netflix Instant Streaming.
The following films all come with a whiff of crime, but in different forms. We promise that there's nothing too sinister at work here. If you get uncomfortable, remind yourself that it's just a movie! And if you get turned on, well, awesome (but you might have criminal tendencies)!
1. The Sentiment of the Flesh: An artist and a radiologist, both obsessed with human anatomy, fall in love and begin pushing the limits of intimacy. It's one thing to turn the MRI into a super-expensive sex toy, but it's quite another to paralyze your lover below the waist and admire her internal organs with a, shall we say hands-on anatomical study. The whole movie isn't quite as extreme as all that, Annabelle Hettmann is beautiful and often naked, and the only real crime is doing unauthorized things with hospital equipment.
2. Restraint: After committing a brutal murder, lovers Ron (Travis Fimmel) and Dale (Teresa Palmer) hide out in the mansion of an agoraphobic art dealer, Andrew (Stephen Moyer). Although Ron and Dale initially hold Andrew hostage, the tables quickly turn. Dale uses her nudity to taunt Andrew, but she soon takes a liking to him, and even imitates his dead wife to please him. Whose Stockholm syndrome is affecting whom? You'll soon find out. Bonus: if you've ever wondered what Stephen Moyer fucks like when he's not playing a vampire, this is your chance.
3. Lost in Beijing: This isn't by any means a happy or erotic story, but it's an important film that still has some pulse-quickening power. "Lost in Beijing" is about two couples from the Chinese countryside trying to make a living in the capital. Its depictions of prostitution, blackmail, gambling, and rape earned it intense ire (and a buttload of scene cuts) from Chinese censors, so the way we see it, watching this movie makes you a criminal of artistic honesty. You're like a modern, sexy, sedentary Robin Hood.
4. The Oxford Murders: A serial killer is on the loose and only Elijah Wood can stop them! If you ask us, the real crime here is that Elijah gets to eat spaghetti off of Leonor Watling's gigantic boobs and we don't.
5. Last Tango in Paris: This is here for the same reasons that we put "The Brown Bunny" last week: its reputation makes it too big to ignore, so we cautiously put this here to remind you of its availability. Sexual exploration is something that needs to happen, and we love watching Brando work, but those two things together isn't everyone'sidea of an erotic film; some people would say that the butter scene is a crime against the eyes. We say it's worth watching. You must be a little bit curious, right?
[At top: Leonor Watling's spaghetti is the breast, uh, best, via "The Oxford Murders" (movies.netflix.com)]