Palmistry Works Best When Mutual Masturbation Is Involved

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If you want to get to know someone, watch how they masturbate. That says more about them than their birth certificate, mother, and priest combined! If you ever need to get to know someone quickly—for a three-legged race or shotgun wedding—you should jerk off in their presence.

That is, as long as you both consent to this kind of behavior. Arguably, this means that you have to know the person relatively well before you propose such a bonding exercise. You might say it's a catch-22. We say that you don't masturbate with your friends enough.

· "Solo Sweethearts 2" (store.fleshbot.com)