Carmella Bing Is “Tittanic”

Oh, if only Kate Winslet had signed on for the special seventh scene of this movie, peeing on herself or losing her mind or whatnot, I would have had to declare the rest of the year moot and claim "Tittanic" as the Porn Movie of 2008 in the way that Frank De Felitta's "Audrey Rose" was the novel of reincarnation.

But she didn't. Still, Oh My God. If I had seen this movie when I was 14, I never would have joined the Tamil Tigers!

Putting it delicately in that unnecessary way we've had to become used to, this movie "skews older". The large-breasted women herein (save for Eden and Daphne Rosen) all have a traveled look about them that I have always associated with stripper ads in the back of my hometown paper. Had I met Ava Devine and Anna Nova at that time, I think I would have run away. (I would have come back eventually.)

We know porn is fake because this guy didn't notice Echo Valley getting the morning coffee. Either that or producers greenscreened out his iron lung.

I think I dreamed of this scene when I was ten. Who can I sue?

Here is Daphne Rosen and the iconic Dirty Harry.

"They're almost as big as your head," she says.
"Nothing's bigger than my head," he parries.
"The things you say," she says.

Why isn't Daphne Rosen right here now?

Carmella Bing and Dakota King. Had I been the cameraman I would have passed out.

· Sin City (sincity.com)
· Buy "Tittanic" (gamelink.com)