Cougar For Christmas: Anjanette Astoria

We root for Anjanette Astoria because, even as a terrifying businesswoman in "Cougar on the Prowl," she still makes time to be serviced with dildos in a kitchenette. Perhaps that's not the true meaning of Christmas, but whatever.

Astoria makes intriguing porn videos with her husband, Bob Sherman, in their home near Sacramento. This latest imagines Astoria as a driven corporate lady dictating the fate of her company as she drives down a deserted NorCal road in a business suit.

The point is, this isn't Los Angeles porno. For one thing, there are no other cars on the road. What kind of business could she possibly be running up there in farm country? It doesn't matter. They do things differently up there.

She gets an underperforming salesman, Bob, on the phone. She asks why his numbers are at three percent when the rest of the company is up at 19 percent. She refuses to listen to his bullshit excuses. Then she gets her secretary on the phone and utters the following:

I want you to go to a hardware store and get a tape measure. Then I want you to go to a coffee shop and get a latte. And have them make it three times as hot as whatever they usually do. Then I want you to give that latte to Bob so that he burns his mouth. And after the first sip, I want you to give him the tape measure and have him measure how far up his ass his head is.

Intercut with this amazing sequence are pictures of Astoria masturbating. When she hangs up the phone, she is somewhere else, banging Amber Chase in a small kitchen.

Normally I would say I am not qualified to interpret how we got from that phone conversation to this, but it seems clear that, by any tape measure, Astoria is a narratively complicated woman who still has needs that must be met, and she trusts us to follow her to that kitchen even as we fret about poor burned Bob.

· Shinefish Entertainment (shinefishentertainment.com)

Shinefish Entertainment (shinefishentertainment.com)
Shinefish Entertainment (shinefishentertainment.com)
Shinefish Entertainment (shinefishentertainment.com)
Shinefish Entertainment (shinefishentertainment.com)
Shinefish Entertainment (shinefishentertainment.com)