How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The PicoBong (Physically)

We heard that Lelo had a new line of sex toys aimed at a "younger clientele at a more affordable price," so we were excited when they sent us a finger vibrator named Ipo. Seeing it on the table, I did what any sensible porn blogger would do: I called dibs on the Ipo and took it to my girlfriend, Luna Lovegreat.

It took a while to get our schedules synched up, so before we used the toy together, I gave Luna—who you might remember from our SINsual Shot testing—first crack at the Ipo and the AAA battery needed to power it. When I next saw her, she was ambivalent about the experience. It fit her slender fingers well, the battery lasted two hours, and the controls are simple to understand (+ turns it on, increases intensity, and cycles through the 12 vibration settings, - turns it down and off), but it produced a disappointing orgasm.

"It's a pretty good buzz," said Luna, "but after a while it's sort of like, you know, I enjoy my fingers more."

So I tried my hand at the Ipo. My fingers are about the same size as Luna's, so it fit my quite well, but our hands are a bit on the small side, and I'm not sure how well the band would work for those with thicker phalanges. On the positive side, the Ipo is fairly light, shaped like a sexy dirigible, and the buttons are positioned in such a way that you can adjust on the go with only a stretch of the thumb.

Full disclosure: Luna and I don't use sex toys often, so we approached the Ipo with more curiosity than excitement. Still, we were committed to using it throughout every stage of our sexual encounter (or until the battery ran out). As far as foreplay is concerned, the Ipo is fantastic. The electric zeppelin comes to a tiny, rounded point on one end, making it perfect for precision play: tracing areolae and nipples, marching a trail of vibrations down between the legs, and direct clitoral stimulation are all within Ipo's powers. However, the fun factor takes a dive when things start getting hot and heavy.

Oral sex, for example, presents a bit of a challenge. Your tongue can play with your partner's clit while the Ipo massages her labia (and vice-versa), but that's about it. Although it's a small toy, it's not really meant for internal use because it's unwieldy when being worn and a tad hard to hold if you take it off.

Clitoral stimulation during sex is also doable, but according to Luna, it's not that exciting because the vibrations are kind of weak. I tried using the toy on my own genitals, and I second her feelings—I have bullet vibrators that pack way more of a wallop than Ipo does. The silicone coating on this toy makes it safe, sleek, and waterproof up to one meter, but it also dampens the strength of the motor. Honestly, what's the point of masturbating one meter underwater if you don't make bubbles on the surface? Subtlety?

Well, there's that. Everybody loves a vibrator that's easy to hide and doesn't make a lot of noise, and I'm happy to say that Ipo makes about as much buzz as a cellphone so it's practically silent underneath a comforter. If you ever find yourself facing time in barracks-style living and you plan on masturbating a lot, the Ipo could be your best friend (as long as you have enough AAA batteries).

Overall, the Ipo is a sweet little toy with a kind heart, but it's much better for warming up (alone or with a partner) than it is for giving you any kind of mind-blowing release. These things run between $35 and $45, and while that's a bit expensive for a sex toy that can't dependably deliver you an orgasm, it might be worth it for those of you who like going from "How are you?" to "Fuck me now" as quickly as possible. The Ipo can't get you to the promised land, but it will definitely help you see the border.

· PicoBong (picobong.com)
· Buy Ipo (amazon.com)
· Also, PicoBong has this adorable "Pac Man"-style game on their website that's too cute not to mention: GULP! (picobong.com)