“Creeper” Proves That Girls Spend More Time Masturbating Than Showering

Did you know that 100% of the women profiled by this piece of investigative voyeurism spend more time flicking the bean in the shower than they do actually washing up? We'd say they're wasting water, but that would imply that we view their masturbatory habits as a waste of time.

And we certainly do not view their masturbatory habits that way. Quite the contrary: this is clearly the most important part of the average female's pornstar's day.

Take famed actor/director Lizzy Borden, for example: she goes in the shower fully made-up, wearing jewelry, and she doesn't let the water touch her anywhere but her pussy. She takes that showerhead and holds it between her legs until it has her grinding against the bench and gritting her teeth with joy. It makes sense routine-wise; who needs soap when you have a fresh orgasm every morning? People will love the way you smell, guaranteed.

Now, Gia Steel uses soap, but she only lathers up between the boobs and thighs, and that's only so she can run her hands over her slick skin, gliding back and forth over her clit until her juices drip down her legs. It's a smart move, really, because this helps flush soap from her vagina, thus maintaining the delicate balance of bacteria that keeps her pussy healthy and delicious. We have to admit, she really uses a lot of soap down there.

Chanel Preston seems to be washing her body a little, but when a stray finger finds its way in her pussy, she looks down at her hands with bewilderment. Could this be Chanel discovering shower masturbation? Christ, doesn't that take you back to your first days of washing and exploring? Even if it doesn't, you'll still enjoy watching Chanel toy with her twat and sing in the shower. You don't have to feel nostalgic to like porn, but we think it helps.

So, based on the findings here, we can assume that every woman over 18 spends at least twenty minutes in the shower playing with herself everyday. Thank you, "Creeper," for furthering our understanding of the female psyche.

· Tom Byron Pictures (tombyronpictures.com)
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