How To Massage And Tan Your Ass

So you want to get a tan. How do you begin? Well, everyone thinks you can just get naked, slather up with lotion, and lie around with your ass out, not realizing that you need to keep rubbing yourself, kneading your flesh, and writhing around.

Masturbating is a good way to get all of that stuff done! Whatever you do, just be sure to keep moving and touching yourself. It ensures an even tan, and it appeases the voyeuristic tendencies of the Sun God, whose raging, fiery erection will give you a few extra hours of light per day.

[Via Reddit. Have a gif you'd like to see us feature? Email us!]