Porn For Straight Girls: Is This Club Really So Elite?

Club Elite is a mixed bag of sexy, enthusiastic female performers, tedious sex scenes, and weird behind-the-scenes stuff that comes off looking just plain unprofessional. Elegant Angel calls it "reality/superstar porn," but reality doesn't necessarily make for good porn.

The performers are all beautiful ladies in a nice range of ages and body types. Misty Stone is lithe and leggy, Roxy Reynolds is petite with an astounding ass, Jada Fire has huge boobs with large nipples and a little cute tummy, Nyomi Banxxx has a voluptuous bod, Persia is lovely, and Skin Diamond is a little pierced and tattooed badass. (Fans will be bummed to know that Jada Fire just announced her retirement.)

The male performers consisted of Mark Anthony and Rock, who were both late to the first scene with Misty Stone, and director L.T. At times, L.T. puts down the camera to get in on the action, which is something that made me feel sort of creeped out. Even though he's the main male performer in several scenes, it felt like in some scenes he was directing and then decided he wanted in, so he put the camera down -- say, on the kitchen counter -- and helped himself. Not only is it kind of icky but it also obscures the action. When L.T. is actually performing in a scene, the camera is fine, but when he's behind it, it goes all wonky.

Case in point: Persia and Skin Diamond are making out, and Persia is making her way down south when L.T. has to go get some lights so he can relight the scene, but by then the moment is lost. It didn't even look that much better.

Let's return to the case of the late performers. Mark Anthony walks in like he's surprised that they're waiting for him -- it's not like, ding dong, the pizza guy is here. It's like, oh, here I am with my backpack and my can of soda, oops! And then he starts having sex with Misty when Rock comes in in his street clothes, like the start time is just a suggestion. Okay, I know these things happen on real porn sets, but this isn't a documentary; this is a porn. I do not want to see people shooting the shit because some jerk is late for his scene. I want to see people having hot sex that is not boring.

Annnd unfortunately, the sex is boring. The DVD menu gave me a feeling of foreboding as I browsed the selections, because for each starlet, the drop down menu is split into four parts: intro, oral, fuck, cum. Handy if you know just what you like, but what if you don't like the sex you're watching to be sliced and diced so easily? Even in the age of constant social media bombardment, I can almost always find something in a scene that will hold my attention and get me off. Not so with "Club Elite."

Why this porn might be good for straight girls:

• It's straight forward fuckin'. Nothing too kinky or crazy here.
• The aforementioned age and body type ranges that looked natural and unaugmented
• What it's really like on a porn set? What with the lip gloss reapplying and the stopping to wipe off your butthole and stuff? I don't know. You got me.

· Buy "Club Elite" (store.fleshbot.com)

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Previously: Porn For Straight Girls Archive