Where’s The Fire, Ash Hollywood?

Ash Hollywood is a breath of fresh air because she is not your everyday pornstress; fireman Brad Tyler can only grab little handfuls of her slight frame in Wicked's vignette movie "I Love A Man in Uniform." But it's enough to gain purchase.

The beauty of the porn industry is that, once it makes us love roomy, titan-breasted blondes like Kagney Linn Karter, saying "This is all you need, Grams," and I'm like, "You're right, Porn Industry," it then sends wispy, shaved, natural-breasted Ash Hollywood our way.

"Adapt or perish," says the Porn Industry, knowing that we will learn to love small breasts because, if for no other reason, there's no chance we will rupture any saline receptacles in the grabbing of them.

And that's a good feeling of safety, rather than the sheepish feeling of safety we get from watching condom porn.

Anyway, Ash Hollywood, says Kaylani Lei in a smoky (literally) voiceover, fantasizes about firemen.

"I guess all she wanted was to pull the fire alarm and let her use the hose," intones Lei, after which Tyler emerges from some dry ice and fucks Hollywood on a non-smoke-engulfed kitchen counter.

You'd think he'd fuck her atop a Dalmatian or something, but whatever.

The point is, in a couples'-friendly movie such as this one, getting the boobtacularly ungainly Kagney Linn Karter into a Fireman's Carry just seems unreasonable and perhaps overkill for the ladies in the audience, whereas, given just a little nudge, I think everyone in the world would like to have sex with Ash Hollywood.

· Wicked (wicked.com)
· Buy "I Love A Man in Uniform" (aebn.net)