Reflections Of A Female Performer Of The Year Winner

There's that saying that every woman wants to believe she gives the best blowjob in the world.

As someone who works around many women who give blowjobs on at least a daily basis, I find this to be true. However, unlike most women, I work in an industry where people actually do keep score on how good your blowjobs are — or how well you fuck in general.

Granted, sex is a very subjective thing. A girl might be a total dead fish, but to a guy who has a thing for glasses-wearing club-footed redheads with freckles and a Japanese accent, that could be the only thing that makes her a good lay. Likewise, a woman might only be attracted to men who bear a striking resemblance to Tom Jones and who can do a good rendition of "It's Not Unusual" in Latin.

However, most people can agree on what makes for a "hot scene." Lots of energy, lots of spitting, lots of gagging — basically, the kind of sex I expect to have on set and the kind of sex most people at home wish they had. (Notice I said most — I fully understand that some of you probably do much kinkier things than I do. Some of you.)

The way porn stars keep score is the annual AVN Adult Entertainment Awards. There's categories for best anal, best blowjob, best group scene. Winning those awards are great, but they're really just foreplay for the big enchilada — Female Performer of the Year.

My relationship with this award is tortured. I've been nominated for it pretty much since I entered the industry seven years ago. What began to stick in people's heads was how often I was nominated and that I could never seal the deal. I was jokingly called the Susan Lucci of porn, but even that got old when Susan Lucci won her Emmy.

That's not to say Female Performer of the Year is won on the basis of tenure or time in the adult industry. There've been newcomers who've won Female Performer of the Year the first year they were in the business (bitches!). Not that I'm bitter about that or anything.

But this year was my year. I was convinced I wouldn't win and didn't pay attention to the category as it was being read. I promised myself that if I ever won, I wouldn't be one of those people who goes up on stage like a deer caught in headlights and blubbers. However, it goes without saying that I went up on stage like a deer caught in headlights and I did, indeed, blubber.

I'd like to say that the award, at the end of the day, was nice but it didn't mean as much as my years in the industry and the rich experiences I've had.

I'd like to say that.

But you know what? Winning feels good!

This post is a part of Fleshbot's Bobbi Starr Week. Photo courtesy of BobbiStarr.com.