Stick Your Gerund Right In That “Bangin’ Ass”

Neat little fact: the phrase "bangin' ass," as in "Damn, that is one bangin' ass on Ivanka over there," does not directly refer to the ass being banged by a long, hard object. It actually refers to the way the butt moves as its owner walks around, bouncing them cheeks, literally banging against the fabric of spacetime.

Normally, we'd have reservations about tampering with any tuchus that tests the tension of the cosmos, but these are professional lady-ass lovers. The only gaping black holes being formed here are the ones that you can escape (with lubricant).

And hey, "Bangin' Ass" is about so much more than anal penetration! Look at Ivanka and Oda: they start things off by wrapping their legs around each other and scissoring furiously, biting their lips, and saying "yes" over and over. We suspect that Oda is some sort of deity in human form. We base this suspicion on her bangin' ass, of course, also on the mysterious tattoo on her inner thigh, and mostly on the fact that her nipples are lighter than the rest of her skin. As it turns out, we're more attracted to albino puffy nipples than we ever could've imagined, and we're upset that there isn't already a porn niche that focuses on them.

If you're looking for sweet blonde on blonde action that doesn't involve Bob Dylan, look no further than Kaylie and Teena. Both of these girls think they can teach the other a thing or two about banging on a bangin' ass, and so an all-out anal competition gets going in Teena's room. Kaylie starts off by pushing Teena face-down and ass-up so she can insert her girthsome dildo from above like some sweet butt guided missile. Her bespectacled friend counters with a missionary-style screwing so Kaylie can feel the plastic cock send shivers up her spine. You might find this arousing, but keep in mind that rear-end rivalries have torn apart many great teams. (We miss you, Wham!)

The old saying holds true: if the ass be bangin', you should be hangin' out in your favorite DVD dispensary waiting for "Bangin' Ass" to street. Really, just go chill in a porn store. All the cool kids do that.

· Lesbian Provocateur (newsensations.com)
· Buy "Bangin' Ass" (store.fleshbot.com)