Assed In Translation: Sasha Swift

Sasha Swift, a bored 22-year-old Russian mail-order bride in "Anal Size My Wife 3," is nearly incoherent with sexual frustration. Read on to see how much of the backstory (heh) we filled in.

Part of the porn fantasy is the accessibility of women who seem to look past our joblessness, marginal bass-playing skills, and the fact that we live in Scottsdale to see the real us—whatever that is—and then get screaming orgasms based on that.

What Swift presents in "Anal Size My Wife 3," on the other hand, is the woman who even threatens to thwart our baser cuckolding instincts because she doesn't play it cool at all.

When the growling and incoherent Swift attacks poor Prince Yahshua—there to pay a visit to his friend and her husband—we can see him resisting this dirty, dirty woman for, perhaps, no better reason than she doesn't present any obstacles at all.

"I want you to fuck in my pussy," she says.

There is no mention made of why Ms. Swift is prancing around her deep-pile rug in lingerie or why she is Russian. We supply that context ourselves as we puzzle through their relationship.

The improvised couple then fuck all over the place, knocking down furniture as they do so. Swift rolls with the punches like a champ, God Bless Her.

And it is only after Yahshua pulls out of her writhing, prostrate form and comes across her face that he thinks to ask the question we might have given more priority to:

Yo. Where your husband at? When he coming back?

This isn't one of those scenes that we want to take on our college tour touting porn as a relationship enhancer, but it's always good to see one of those rugs in good condition.

· "Anal Size My Wife 3" is coming soon (westcostproductions.com)