The Feminism Of Giving Blowjobs

People do generally like what I share online, but I invariably get comments like: "But, you're a feminist!" What's your point? Oh, that's right... There's a common misconception that blowjobs can't be a feminist act. Let me clear that right up for you, because we wouldn't want that nasty rumour taking root. The thing is, I'm a happy, powerful, successful and self-actualized woman who loves giving blowjobs... So much so that I chose to (among many other things) give them for a living. Because my niche is so obviously linked to the surface idea of one-sided pleasure, people assume I must be coerced, faking it or that I'm not getting any pleasure of my own either on or off-screen. This couldn't be further from the truth, and I think that debunking these ideas is key to identifying blowjobs as a feminist sex act.

For various valid reasons, there is a real upswing in the value of female pleasure. I could not possibly applaud this development more, but it does have the adverse effect of stigmatizing porn focused on male pleasure in certain circles. One of the main criticisms of mainstream heterosexual porn is that it strongly focused on male pleasure, to the faking or exclusion of female pleasure. As such, feminist porn has been largely focused on authentic representation of achieving female arousal and orgasm. Again, this is a great thing, but it makes justifying my site as valid feminist porn just that much more complicated.

Now, you can draw the connection from the porn I make to the criticisms of and reactions to mainstream porn one of two ways: either you can say "Oh, it's different because you're a niche!" or "It's even more overt because you decided on such a niche!" I've heard both, but I certainly tend towards the former. The thing is that we didn't come to the decision of making a blowjob niche site likely, and I was ultimately calling the shots in terms of what I was interested in doing, since we knew that I would be more front and centre. The truth is that I love giving blowjobs and have loved doing it for quite some time. I'm getting closer to two decades (gasp!) of really and truly loving giving oral sex. Why wouldn't I want to showcase that kind of passion in my day to day life?

The blowjob is a niche just like any other, and a big part of why I chose to tackle this is because I felt like it wasn't being represented in the way I truly love it. This isn't to say that there's any wrong way to give a blowjob, but variety is the spice of life and I wanted to see a really passionate and sensual blowjob site. There was nothing out there like that, so it became pretty clear that it was our mission to glorify this type of blowjob and make it just as valid, sexy and even "cool" to give a blowjob the way I do. Part of being in the blowjob niche means that there are a lot of blowjobs. Sounds pretty evident, but people consistently indicate how badly they want to see me experience pleasure on screen. While I totally understand this, and do comply from time to time, I most prefer it when it comes from a place of desire to see more, not desire to see me "actually fulfilled" in our content.

The biggest issue at play here is undoing the idea that what can be seen as one-sided on the surface is actually all there is to it. This needs to be approached as two separate issues, starting with the concept of deriving pleasure from giving pleasure. For me, there is immense eroticism from pleasing my boyfriend and making him feel good. Hearing him moan, watching him squirm, sensing that his orgasm is close at hand... It's all unbelievably sexy to me. If the shoe were on the other foot and I was a man talking about giving pleasure to a woman, you'd all be mightily pleased (though less overtly in such sex-positive circles) and this would not be an issue of my needs not being met. I do not need physical stimulation to enjoy a sexual experience, and if I did, I would certainly make that happen.

The other important consideration is that we do have a rich and varied sex life off-screen. Mike is as devoted to my pleasure as I am, and we experiment with a broad and beautiful range of way to have sex and make each other feel good. There is a lot more to us than what we portray online, and I think that in understanding how niche websites actually work and by being able to distinguish a side of our sexuality from its whole, people are in a much better position to judge what we do online.

How does this all relate to feminism? Well, it's ultimately about choice, knowing what I want and getting it. I have chosen what I do every step of the way, setting my limits, making sure my desires and known and that I'm getting the satisfaction I need from my relationship, whether sexually or otherwise. I try to remain immensely clear and candid about our process and why we continue to do what we do. By continuing to create and open dialogue about the many different ways of experiencing pleasure (like here, for example) I am trying to validate any consensual way that anyone finds joy, which is especially important in women's sexuality. We've been held back and molded in so many ways, so why limit ourselves now? If you want to give a blowjob, give a blowjob and love it! That's all I'm trying to do.

[This post is a part of Fleshbot's Camille Crimson Week.]