On Rosie Jones’s Eating, Drinking, And Stripping Habits

Yo, we're not here to tell Rosie how to live her life, but we're concerned about her. She woke up and took her clothing off: that's a little backwards. She didn't have juice, so she drank beer for breakfast: that's not healthy. She spilled a little beer down her boobs and watched it roll off: that's spectacular. We don't know how to feel, Rosie!

And then she goes back to bed with a book and some Marshmallow Fluff! The way we see it, all of Rosie Jones's deeds are designed to bring her to perfect neutrality. She burns all of the calories she consumes, she heals her brain with literature as she sears it with alcohol, and she puts on clothing in private moments to balance all of her public nudity. We're still a little worried about Rosie, but that's just because we lack an understanding of her Zen wisdom.

· Front TV (frontarmy.com)