“Adventures In Anal” Is For Brave Butts Only

What does Shalina Devine have up her butt? A dragon? A castle? Or just a tight, warm, and tasty space where you want to put things? One thing's for sure: you'll never know if you don't check it out. So, if you're ready, put on your magic helmet and grab the twenty-sided die, because you're about to have an adventure!

More precisely, you're about to see pictures from a movie in which people have adventures. Feel free to put down the dice for this one, but you should probably keep the helmet on. (We're all about safety here.)

Anyway, we want to emphasize the fact that this adventure isn't just for the object going into the ass, but also for the ass. Imagine how Donna Bell feels when she's hanging out on a big fancy boat and she pulls down her bikini bottoms for the first time and the salty air whips across her butt cheeks. Imagine the chill that takes her and doesn't go away, but transforms into anticipation. Donna knows that a cock is going in her derriere, and she can see its size, but she doesn't yet understand it. To truly understand a dick, she must feel the glans pass through her pucker, squeeze the shaft, and take it balls deep. Once she has her gape going on, she knows that she has conquered the cock. You're a hero, Donna Bell.

You're probably wondering if "Adventures in Anal" has anything to do with the 1987 classic "Adventures in Babysitting." While we don't see any immediately obvious parody or satire at work, we suppose there are parallels. For example, in "Adventures in Babysitting," Elizabeth Shue has to look after a bunch of kids at once and she finds it's more than she can handle, while in "Adventures in Anal," Alexa has to fit a huge dick in her ass and a large glass dildo in her pussy. However, Alexa can totally handle her burden and she doesn't have to deal with Vincent D'Onofrio in the process. Advantage: Alexa.

We know there are times when all you want to do is kick back with a drink and watch some butts get casually played with, but now is not that time. This is pace-quickening booty pounding, real dangerous derriere banging, and if you're not ready for "Adventures in Anal," then we suggest you step aside and let the big kids have fun.

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