The Butts Of Summer

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Treats! knows how to pluck at our heartstrings; we're not the least bit surprised when they put out a gallery or a video that makes us pine for babes so hard that we turn into Christmas trees. In the grand scheme of things, the sight of a trio of beautiful women sunbathing topless in a field only drives a few lusty knives into our collective gut, but when this video is over, the pangs remain. Why do you do this to us, Treats! Magazine?

Is it because we spend our money on sex toys instead of saving up for the dacha that would allow us to host such babes in the quiet wilderness? Are we being punished for not hanging out with people who wear high-waisted bathing suits and nothing else? That's reasonable. We'll start replacing our friends' clothing with retro bikini bottoms as soon as Treats! releases us from this sun-drenched prison of peach fuzz and impending tan lines.

· "The Summer House" by Joe Wehner (vimeo.com)