Why Isn’t “Sport Fucking 10” Part Of The Olympic Games?

It's discrimination is what it is. These pornstars work themselves tirelessly, toning their bodies, exercising muscles we civilians have probably never heard of, slamming into one another harder and more often than professional football players, and yet the Olympic Committee still refuses to recognize their pure athleticism. They at least deserve to be a part of the Winter Games (toe curling > curling with brooms and junk).

We're going about this the wrong way. First, we need "Sport Fucking 10" to have corporate sponsorships, and then the corporations will pressure the Olympics to include banging in the games. Hopefully, some bigwig at Nike will see Erik Everhard sticking his fat dick in Veruca James and say to himself, "That guy needs a cock ring with a Swoosh on it, ASAP."

So here we go. West, Naomi West: desperada, rough rider, no, you don't want nada. It takes a special lady to make us hear music in our heads, and it takes a truly one of a kind beauty with petite tits to make us break out in old Will Smith jams from 1999. The box cover tells us that Naomi West is "firm titted," and while that may not sound appealing at first, consider how delightfully sharp and stiff the nipples on small breasts can become. We worry that Erik might slice up his torso by getting snuggly with Naomi, but fortunately, he keeps her weaponry pointed elsewhere and lets her ride reverse cowgirl. Also, Erik Everhard does not snuggle.

Olivia Wilder doesn't look all that much like Olivia Wilde, but we love her name anyway: she's hot, she wears leather pants that have been mauled by a wolverine, and we've seen more of her in twenty seconds than we've seen of Olivia Wilde in eight years. Her ass is like a peach that fell from a tree in heaven and landed firmly on Erik's cock--they seem made for each other, and when they smooch and spoon together on the bed, they look completely blissed out. All it takes is a little handholding and a lot of genital smashing to get these two in a cute mode. Maybe we were wrong about Erik, maybe he does have a sweet side.

It's a curious question: does cuddling have a place in "Sport Fucking 10"? We're definitely more interested in the sweat-inducing pounding and acrobatic ass attacks than we are in the cool down period, but we suppose we should lobby for Sport Snuggling in the Olympics, too. It's only fair.

· Jules Jordan (julesjordan.com)
· Buy "Sport Fucking 10" (store.fleshbot.com)