Netflix Picks: A Different Sort Of Athleticism

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Are you tired of watching the Olympics yet? It's fine if you are; even the most sports-obsessed among us grows weary of watching long rowing races in which one team takes the lead and holds it for ten minutes. You probably want to watch something else, but you feel unpatriotic if you don't keep up with the international sports scene. We're here to help. How about some sports movies that go heavy on the skin?

1. Punch: Sonja Bennett plays Ariel, a strong-willed young woman who has developed a bit of an Electra complex in the process of picking up her widower father's broken life. She cooks, cleans, takes care of things around the house, emotionally supports him, and does everything her mother did--except, of course, for sex. When her father brings Mary home for a date, Ariel lashes out and assaults her. Mary's sister, Julie, is a topless prize fighter, and she thinks Ariel ought to channel her rage and frustration into something productive (not to mention lucrative). "Punch" has a strange hodgepodge of incest vibes, psychodrama, violence, and gratuitous nudity that will make you raise and cock your eyebrows with both arousal and curiosity. We realize this perhaps isn't the most dignified way to celebrate female boxing's first-ever appearance in the Olympics, but it's a damn good film, and there's nudity at 14:00, 16:00, 22:00, 41:00, 49:00, 51:00, and 1:04:00.

2. #1 Cheerleader Camp: Two horny college guys get a summer job working as custodians at a cheerleader camp. (Why, yes, this is a straight-to-DVD film from The Asylum. How ever did you know?) Really though, the story is about Sophie, a young woman who desperately wants to win the scholarship attached to the annual cheerleading competition. Her efforts are constantly being foiled by Britt, a snotty girl who keeps finding ways to break up Sophie's squad. Those two horny gentlemen, Andy and Michael, really like Sophie, and they help her by getting her a new squad comprised entirely of strippers. Oh, and for some reason Andy is constantly masturbating and everyone thinks that Michael is gay. Look, it's no "Bring It On"--it's not even "Bring It On: In It to Win It"--but it's a feel-good sex romp with absurd amounts of nudity and enough athleticism to make you feel like you're watching America compete in some international competition. Unfortunately, smutty filmmaking hasn't been approved for the Olympics. Peep the bods of cheerleaders and strippers alike at 20:50, 21:58, 30:31, 34:37, 38:00, 44:50, 55:25, 1:19:00, and 1:30:00.

[At top: a classic shower voyeur scene, from "#1 Cheerleader Camp" (movies.netflix.com)]