Netflix Picks: Crime Doesn’t Pay (But It Arouses)

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We're good people. We pay our taxes, we never litter, and the last time we broke a law was when we jaywalked in California ten years ago and it haunts us, so we're not exactly the criminal types. That being said, we often fantasize about being all sinister and shady because everybody knows that it's attractive and everybody wants to bang the bad boy/girl/whatever. Today, we're giving our imaginations a break, kicking back, and watching a diabolical double feature.

1. Kiss Me, Killer: Two years ago, drug smuggling kingpin Freddy Carter was betrayed by two members of his gang and left for dead. Now he's back on the streets and hungry for vengeance, and when he discovers that his would-be murderers have opened up a strip club, he enlists the help of a dancer (Lina Romay) to bring the place down. Isn't it convenient that crime has to go down in a place where nudity is totally common? Yes, it is. That's how Jesus Franco rolls. Who is Jesus Franco? He's only one of the most beloved Italian sexploitation directors of all time! You might know him from such surreal and sexy horror romps as "A Virgin Among the Living Dead" and our personal favorite "Vampyros Lesbos."

2. The Fish Child: Lala, the daughter of a prominent Argentinian judge, has been obsessed with her Paraguyan maid, Ailin, for years and they can no longer deny their feelings for each other. They desperately want to escape Lala's father and travel to a quiet place where they can be together, free of class consciousness and domestic roles, and so they start stealing from every purse, chest, and dresser in the house. Lala's dreams take a dark turn when she discovers that her father has been abusing and taking advantage of Ailin, and she even goes through one of those sweet hair-chopping scenes that denote the transformation into bonafide badass! Ah, it's not a happy story, but it's a story with a lot of bathtime boobage. Nudity appears at 35:00, 38:00, 47:10, and 1:01:00.

[At top: a bathtub discussion from "The Fish Child" (movies.netflix.com)]