Netflix Picks: Action With Action (The Second Action Means Sex)

August 15, 2012
OTTIMO-MASSIMO

[jwplayer id="7184570"]

Now that the Olympics are over, where are we supposed to get our thrills? Where can we find powerful bodies performing unimaginable feats while hoping that they show some skin? These are sad times for us Fleshbotters. Fortunately, action movies are always available on Netflix, and they're quite often rich with flesh.

1. Barb Wire: Yes, it's Pamela Anderson back when she was Pamela Anderson Lee! If you've never seen "Barb Wire" before, you'll pick up on the plot quickly because it uses the same structure as "Casablanca." There's a massive war, there's a special item that will allow people to escape the country, there's a bar that Pamela runs, and although she's comfortable working with the fascists as well as the resistance, the appearance of an old lover forces her to choose sides. Instead of World War II, "Barb Wire" takes place in the future (the magical faraway time of 2017) when we're dealing with the Second American Civil War--basically, what we're saying is that there's a chance that all of this could come true in five years. If you won't watch it to be prepared for the future mayhem that awaits all Americans, then you should definitely watch it for the futuristic gunfights and ample boobage from Pamela. Look for titties (actually, they'll find you) at the beginning of the movie, 31:00, 55:30, and 1:00:00.

2. Poolboy: Drowning Out the Fury: This movie is more of a comedy--a spoof of grindhouse exploitation films--than it is a bonafide action film, but honestly, we feel that it's near-impossible to find action movies that don't contain some element of humor. They're healthier that way, you know? Anyhow, "Poolboy: Drowning Out the Fury" is somewhat of a film within a film: it's about Saint James St. James (Ross Patterson), a director who once made a movie so horrible that the MPAA refused to release it for decades, finally being showing his work to the public. That work is the actual "Poolboy" film, and it's about a Vietnam veteran who comes home to find that Mexicans have cornered the pool-cleaning market. Said veteran goes berserk and vows to get revenge on Danny Trejo, the man who killed his family or something. Honestly, we can barely make sense of this film, but that's one of the things we like about it. One of the other things we like: Jacqui Holland. She's a busty B-movie goddess and her boobs are all over this movie. Look for other tatas at 44:07, 45:30, 52:00, 55:00, and 56:00 (there's really a long, solid chunk of nudity around there).