Ask Camille: Is Porn Cheating?

About 9 months ago after my wife and I were married she stumbled upon my stash of porn on our computer. This disturbed her quite a bit and she was mostly mad because she felt it was cheating. I did not disagree with her I just stopped cold for a bit, but a guy sometimes needs to blow one off so I do it once in a while, but nothing like I ever did in the past. Fast forward to today.

She and I are now starting to film our sessions. We have talked about it and she is ok with me masturbating to our sessions if I need/want to. Am I playing with fire with this situation? I really think it is opening us up to more open sex. I also believe it is making her more comfortable with her body and it may encourage her to start masturbating once in a while. I know this is more of a story but I would like to hear your advice on home voyeurism for married couples?

This is a very interesting situation with a number of different issues that happen to a lot of couples.  It's quite a particular story all together, but the reality is that the components are universal.

The first thing to address is that your girlfriend felt that you watching porn was cheating initially.  As far as I'm concerned, that's not the case, but there are reasons why it can feel more like cheating.  If you were hiding, if you were focusing on porn with body types very different than hers, if you were focusing on porn with sex acts that you don't do together or if your sex life was dwindling compared to booming solo porn consumption.

Obviously I'm not sure how that initial talk went, but it might be worth revisiting while keeping those things in mind.  If porn feels threatening, it's hard not to link it with ideas of betrayal.  Having personal ground rules (not "rules" handed down from on high, but limits you place on yourself because you know it'll make life easier) isn't necessarily a bad thing, and it makes compromise much more likely.

It's a great thing that you are filming your sex sessions together.  I think that's amazing.  You mention that she's okay with you watching them alone, which is a good compromise, but I think it's even better if you make sure to enjoy it together.  Watching porn of yourselves while you have sex is wonderful.  It'll make you feel more excited and connected, and you can even film your sex while you watch your filmed sex!

If porn (of other people) is important to you, you can broach the subject of watching it together.  Pick something classy that feels right for both of you and use it more as inspiration.  Find a new move you like, or maybe an angle you'd like to film with.  Sometimes we have hang-ups that are almost oppositional to things we enjoy, and it sounds like that might be the case with your wife.  By being able to identify why porn can actually be a uniting and sexy thing as opposed to a solitary thing, you can find a new thing to enjoy together.

Don't push it as an all the time thing, but if you can enjoy it as an occasional treat, porn can become a part of your sex life, and then perhaps she'll even open up to the idea of you watching it alone.

· See more of Camille Crimson at The Art of Blowjob and CamilleCrimson.com (theartofblowjob.com + camillecrimson.com)

Camille Crimson is not a doctor. This column is for informational and entertainment purposes only. For more advice, head over to the Ask Camille archive.