When It Comes To Measuring Big Butts, “Daddy Knows Best 2”

We don't know what it is about Sean Michaels and rulers, but the guy seems to enjoy knowing the exact dimensions of the asses in which he sticks his dick. Maybe it's a part of his "Daddy Knows Best" persona, or maybe he knows something we don't. What if butt measuring is the hot new jam that's taking the porn industry by storm? We'd be so embarrassed. We haven't measured any butts.

We hereby vow to live by Sean Michaels's rules: we're going to pack rulers at all times, wear bowties, sport sleek glasses, and pound the pussies of adorable young pornstars. That last part might give us some trouble, but we figure that the more we emulate Mr. Michaels, the easier it will be to attract babes. Seanliness is next to godliness!

Anyway, this isn't about us; this is about Sean dropping knowledge and dick in tandem on teen twat. Penny Pax is doing a little lounging in her backyard when Sean shows up and schools her on proper skin care. Sure, she's safely in the shade, but as Sean tells her, the sun can still cause damage unless she's properly lathered in sunscreen or, in lieu of Banana Boat, jizz! Sean is more than willing to donate a load her way, but Penny is going to have to rim him, suck his cock, take it in her ass, and all while wearing his sweet fedora. Don't question his ways: Daddy knows best and melanoma is fucking real.

Elsewhere and when, Sean educates Jennifer Anderson on the etiquette of entertaining guests. She invites him over to hang out and them immediately lies back in bed rubbing her clit without offering him a snack, water, or even a seat! It's not polite to enjoy one's genitals without facilitating the same for one's guest, so Sean whips his cock out and has Jennifer stroke it; she's down with that. Jennifer is even more down with the way Sean teaches her to ride reverse cowgirl and recline against his manly chest so that he might rub her clit. See? That way everybody feels included in the fun. Sean should really keep his pinkies up when he plays with her pussy, but nobody's perfect.

Then again, perhaps Rose Monroe has a perfect ass. Our hero shows up at her place wearing pinstripes, suspenders, and a bowtie--he's the X-rated Christopher Kimball ready to taste test her butt on America's Test Kitchen--and he almost doesn't even need the ruler to determine the worth of her wonderful booty. The keyword there is "almost." Sean slips a finger in her asshole, then his cock, and when he finally gets his hands around those cheeks, he licks his lips for the camera. Oh yeah, that's a choice cut right there, Kobe quality, and you can bet that he's going to marbelize it with his jizz.

But what did he learn from his ruler? Why don't we understand his methods? Friends, we're going to watch "Daddy Knows Best 2" until we figure out the fanny algebra at play (and we pray he's not using ass calculus, otherwise we'll be lost forever).

· Evil Angel (evilangel.com)
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