We Are Concerned About Your Decisions, Zoey Foxx

Since running away, Zoey Foxx has been living in the Hollywood Hills (or at least Hollywood Hills-adjacent, er, Sunland) off her wits. And this inevitably leads her to Otto's house.

In "Virgin Runaways," the latest "Barely Legal" spinoff, Foxx must break into a home with a hammer and screwdriver in order to charge her blinged-out iPhone. She doesn't look like she's been living amongst the scrub, but no matter: what is—at the very least—consistent about "Barely Legal" is that none of the women who, upon encountering older men, ever appears to be anywhere other than where she should be.

Bauer discovers Foxx and learns that she merely ran away from Santa Monica. Within a minute they are fucking and making plans to live together. I ask you, Readers, is it right for Foxx to have rejected one father only to take up so quickly with another?

Well, while the women of "Barely Legal" seem to know what they're doing, Foxx herself checks in with the camera enough for us to surmise that she is less experienced than her handy character is. No matter: she does all the right things in an ultra-bendy way.

I don't know if the star tattoo or the belly button ring would suggest to a hill-person that Foxx is a virgin, but neither she nor Bauer discuss it. My feeling is that Foxx came to Bauer besmirched; I just have a hunch.

I don't know if any relationship that began with a misdemeanor can last, but I probably sound like her dad.

· Hustler (hustler.com)
· Buy "Barely Legal: Virgin Runaways" (tlavideo.com)