Siri’s Here, Says “Fuck My Tits.” Well All Right.

Like Radiohead, the idea of fucking tits until reaching climax is better in theory. But after watching Siri's hypnotic fleshmasses carry out this task, we're ready to believe again.

We are sure that tit-fucking is the only way some people can get off, but for the vast majority of people—according to a poll we just conducted around the desk—this activity is the Number One cause of Chafey Dickstubbing in America.

You have finally found just the right person to try this bucket list sexual activity on, and she's raring to go. Knowing from science class that the breasts don't secrete that much natural lubricant, you grease up both yourself and your partner and jump in there like it's a prostrate luge, or the Death Star, or something.

But soon enough the lube wears off and you keep poking your beloved in the chin with your person. Sound grim? Well, welcome to my first week at Parson's.

But Siri is possessed of breasts that are so soft and billowy that it is as if her POV partner's penis is a brave airplane disappearing and reappearing in a field of glorious clouds. When she flattens her breasts against his abdomen, it is as if she has created a perfect set of miniature buttocks resting there.

And she's so collected that her nipples just stay in; we get the feeling Siri performs this service all the time.

Other than the pride of a job well done, there's nothing in it for the generous woman with the big rack; no penetration, no soothing words from the other end of the camera. She's a giver, and that has to be enough.

· Elegant Angel (elegantangel.com)
· Buy "Fuck My Tits 7" (tlavideo.com)