The Negotiation Threesome Files: “Tight Ass Teens”

Normally we wouldn't review a movie with a title as common as "Tight-Ass Teens," but in this case we were won over by the intriguing cover photo and a threesome doing their best to figure things out.

This is the type of movie that suggests porn performers are Born That Way. Unless each of these Eurovixens has been performing for years under less-Americanized names (which is possible), not one of them appears in adult databases before this movie.

And yet "Tight Ass Teens" is such a standard-issue porn with great native twists. Lucy Roberts (doubtful you will ever meet a Czech named Lucy Roberts, but there you go) and Mandinka (who could be Roberts' twin, and is "introduced" in this film even though no other female castmember has an IAFD listing as of this writing, either) are studying a magazine, all schoolgirl-like, on their bed when a Europorn dude wearing half-overalls interrupts them.

They seem to expect it, as both gamely stretch out on their stomachs as he presses their breasts to the bed. I believe he is doing this to warm himself up (I sure would) rather than them.

Regardless, it is an amateurishly giddy scene. There is logistical fumbling common to threesomes that, but for the women's porn-toned bodies, makes the scene look refreshingly spontaneous and fun. I was rooting for all of them. I suppose I should have found a better verb than "root." Oh well. I forgot my White-Out. What's done is done.

The trio switches positions often in the well-lit, IKEA-decorated room, and there is a pleasant and (I suspect) mutually-OK amount of gentle choking and slapping as Herr Overalls finishes up.

But the best picture is that of Roberts (I assume it's Roberts—it could be Mandinka), holding open Mandinka's asshole, but checking behind, as if someone is about to walk in, like Silvio Berlusconi.

I can assure you that does not happen in this enjoyable scene, but the greater lesson is that—believe it or not—sometimes porn is about the visuals.

· Hustler (hustler.com)
· Buy "Tight Ass Teens" (tlavideo.com)

[galllery=20121027TEENS]