Jodi Taylor Makes Us Jealous Of Silicone With “I Love Big Toys 36”

In the brief but wonderful time that we've known Jodi Taylor, we've developed a serious crush on the girl, but now we're pretty sure she's a sex demon put on this plane to torture us. How can she love big toys? It'd be one thing if she loved humans--we'd at least have a slight chance at getting with her--but there's no way we can become big toys and we will therefore never get to date Jodi on the reg.

Our only hope is to be reincarnated as a big toy. God only knows how many karma points you'd have to rack up to come back as a thick veiny dildo! We're guessing it's like a billion.

At least we can take comfort knowing that Jodi isn't just filling her pussy with plastic, but plastic born of a lifetime of good deeds and generosity! Perhaps that's why she looks so gleeful. The fullness in her twat and the shocks it sends up her spine only represent one half of her orgasmic joy; the rest comes from the legacy of public service and the veininess created by it. What makes this even more beautiful is the fact that Jodi brings happiness to others with those cudgel cocks, and the sight of her round butt working its way down one such shlong will contribute to her reincarnation as a dragon or something else equally badass.

Need more proof that those dicks are actually blessed souls? Most of them look like candy. Check out the big piece of licorice that Dillon Harper is trying to impale herself upon, or the black cherry-flavored balls that Anikka Albrite is grinding against her clit, or even the obviously chocolately cock that Abby Cross is fucking the tip of (she's one of those gals who always eats the ears off the Easter Bunny). We know good souls when we see them!

And so does Aria Austin, hence her desire to doubly penetrate herself with those gargantuan toys. She only puts a (relatively) thin toy in her anus when she's taking the burrito-sized boner in her pussy, but to be fair, we certainly can't do what she does. Plus, she eventually does take the thick side of the stick up her ass and ends up looking like the hottest weathervane ever. If we ever have a mansion, Aria's bronze likeness will adorn its roof.

But we'll never get that mansion because as soon as we get some cash, it's going to every Red Cross and Planned Parenthood in town, for "I Love Big Toys 36" has shown us the light. See you in the next world, folks!

· New Sensations (newsensations.com)
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